how to make a girl smile

when she says she misses you [she's hurting inside]

that group on facebook made me cry... it really did...

i wish i knew how to tell you, other then the fact that i miss you.

someone tell me... am i crazy?

looking throug the crowd... nothing... there was apart of me that saw you, standing at every corner, at every entrence, at every station... though they weren't you, they were someonelses shadow...

standing at the station, standing by the entrence, waiting, hoping you would walk up from the subway, looking, wishing, that you may just walk off the train... but you didn't

taking the train home, i walked and looked, maybe just maybe he would be there, and yet you weren't.

that part of me keeps looking for you, for your shadow... and yet how can you see a shadow without light? where's the light gone... who's turned the light of in my life? that feeling of wondering through nothing, is painful, no matter how many people i met, i see, i wonder about, no one seems to feel that void...

heartbroken... once again...

i want to run away, but to where? life is so dependent, life is so hard, life is painful, it hurts, it hurts...

i'm working hard, i really am, i'm doing my best, i really am, and yet no matter how much i run, you always seem to be behind me...

something is telling me to keep going, i don't know where that something is comming from, every step i take, i know time is passing, and they say time heals all, has time forgotten me? why aren't you healing me?

why does it seem like i'm running into a wall, banging my head against a wall, hard...

talk to me... tell me... why it is that i can't forget you...

every corner, every step, you seem to be behind me, encouraging me, how? why does it feel like that?

someone tell me, why life has to be so hard....

my mum found my old baby album.... never thought i had one but meh.
i looked at it, and saw a girl who dreamt of been a priate, of been a princess, of been famous, and then i looked in the mirror, and saw a scared person, a person too scared to presue her dream, her ideal life.
i also saw a me that i now know, someone scared to be who they are, because she doesn't know who she is anymore, someone scared to fail because she knows life is too short, and yet can't help but hope that maybe someday, she would win ta lotto and fullfill her dream.
i like to sleep, i like to dream, because, in my dreams, i can travel the world, i can met people who i would never met, i can dream about you and i. and yet once the alam bell goes off, i'm brought back into reality, a world where i can't do as i please.
i guess thats another reason why music has become such a big part in my life, though i can't sing, nor can i read scores, i love it, because it can change your mood, your dreams, it can bring back memories, dreams, feelings...
sometimes i wonder what it is i'm ment to do in life, i mean everyone says 'it's not where you get but how you get there', but in this success driven world, is it real? when you hear a doctor on the end of someone;s name you wow, and when you see a tradie, you merely ignor. i want to, i want to do what i want to do in life, but i can't, why? why can't i do what i want?
life has become more of a drag then a enjoyment...
i wish i knew how to make it fun again

another day has passed, and it's making me think, maybe i need to get away,,, the exams are comming and i'm starting past exams today..... i will do my best..... though most of ta time my best isn't good.
which made me think, what does do your best mean> i mean wat if your best is crap, wat if no matter how many 'bests' you try, you worn;t succed... was it wrong? for me to like you, was it wrong, to have felt what i felt? or is it wrong to acknowlege what i felt. i think right now, if someone would care, i would probly dive into their laps.
i dont want to forget, and i worn;t... because you are you

一天一天的就这样过去了，一天一天的我也这样熬过来了，其实我要的梦并不大，只要偶然幸福就可以了。
也许是我的错，是我太好强了，太任性了，太幼稚了。我会加油的，嗯，一定会的。

为什么。。。还那么的痛。。。好痛。。。
你知道吗？那几个晚上，我的枕头一直是湿的，那几个晚上我心好痛好痛，现在也是。想哭，想闹，想忘记，可是没有办法，现在还是。每一次写到你，眼泪就会不知不觉的掉下来，心也就这样开始痛，想哭，可是又没有原因，我也知道这个世界的复杂，也知道我是不够好，可是眼泪还是一滴一滴的掉下来。
想问的为什么，我已经有了答案，想问你好吗, 我也知道你是不会回答的，想知道你的心变了吗，我也知道因该有了。
失恋的感觉是无法形容的，那种痛，不舍，无奈，你懂吗？
你知道吗？我还是那么的想你，我的心还是没有办法把你放下，难道你要我求你，要我在你面前哭你才会知道我对你的感觉？我常常会想如果我学一下‘小女生’，学一下撒娇，学一下当一个诺如的女生，说不定你会回头，可是这不是我。我不是哪一种会撒娇的女生，我也不会碰到问题就往你那里跑。对不起。也许我太独立了，也许我不适合，可是每个女生都是想要被人爱的，可是有一些是得不到这种爱的，我因该就是这一挂的吧，无论都么的想你，喜欢你，答案，结局还是一样的。何必那？何必那么的伤心，那么的用工，心痛。

if you are, tell me, if your not tell me, r u reallly doing what i asked you? if you are tell me if your not tell me... please

you know when your about to do something important and u get that really lound tumping in your chest? well.... i get that....
can you tell me at least....
i'm going back to my crappy physics

woke up today and mum was been a bitch i was like WTF??? i swear.... ur such a idiot

life is soo complicated, there is no black and white, only shades of grey, only little shades that have no right or wrong, that are full of reason's understanding, and acceptance, even when the thing, the reason is crap and bullshit, but it's true... but we still need to accpet it.....

just finished PD 3 for studio.... working hard on it.... why do i feel as though i'm waiting for a bus to hit me, so that at least i would feel something, because latly i've found that i've been unable to feel, to laugh, to smile, at least genually.....

it's true i miss you, in fact i miss you like hell, that fact that i can look at a pencil and think about you is crazy, in fact me writting about you all ta time is crazy, in fact everytime i rember another month has gone past is crazy, in fact... i'm going crazy.

someone once said 'sucess is 99% persperation 1% inspiration', it doesn't matter, how hard i work, how much i miss you, how much i care for you, i worn't succed... cos u worn't come back will you, we worn't be able to talk like we used to, i worn't be able to hear your stupid cold annoying jokes anymore will i? i worn't be able to hear you say ur short sighted will i? i worn't ever get a 2nd hug will i?

i wonder what life is meant to be like,,,, i really do wonder, sitting here listening to the news, girls on tv, as thin as a stick, pm's on the news.... taking money,,, and spending it on what ever, life is wat? a problem?
missing someone is a very unique feeling, well if u ever read this, i'm going to the expo, on the saturday, if your there, don't tell me, because even though i want to see you, i know that i won't be able to take it....
i love you,,, i really do...

12月14日2009年

心好痛。。。好痛好痛。。。因为好想好想你。。。好想知道你在想什么。。。你心里是否还有我。。。还是你的心窝里已经有新的人了。。。
我说过我会等耐心的等，可是我想赖皮，还有99天。。。整整的99天。。。
为什么！！！为什么你不说，你的一句话就能安慰我，为什么。。。

you come and go, latly u've been in my head again, alot of things have been in my head, alot...
latly life seems colder... is it because it's winter? or is it because i feel as though i'm loosing you, though i've already lost you...
it's nice to think that i now know that warm fuzzy feeling everyone calles 'love'. i've always been scared to use that word, L-O-V-E, after all, it's not a concret noun. i've always been scared to be happy, because i know that happiness comes with a price, but i now know, that price is worth it.
someone asked me once, how can you be happy all the time? i didn't answer, and yet i knew in my heart that, if i wasn't happy i would be sad, i rather laugh foolishly and be called a idiot then to be sad about been sad and be called normal....
sometimes i rather just sit, infact, sitting in the park is the best, i don't have to worri about been alone, i don't have to worri about stupid things that don't need worring, i don't need to be human, i just need to be a girl, a girl that needs sometime to herslef.
i wonder sometimes, what if, just what if i could have a wish any wish, just one, then i would wish to understand myslef better, to know what it is that i acurally want, what it is i need, what it is needed of me... i sometimes wonder, hope that no one would notice me and just let me live mysef myslef, by myslef, on a tiny island, of couse food and water will be deliverd/ just for once i want to surprised, a good surprise not a bad one like the ones i've been getting so far.i wish, wish, i knew what to do, i wish i wish i know what to do.
i wish, i wish my wishes would come true

i wish you had never showed up, if u guys didn't come, then we wouldn't be in this mess....
mum and dad worn't be fighting, we wouldn't need to get a bigger car, if you were here everything would be better, so please go back, go away, so that i can have my life back, so i can at least enjoy something.
it's at time like this that i wish, i would old enough to run away, i rather run away, but i can't, i'm afarid.
its all your fault, it has always been, and it will always be your fault. i don't care if your old, and sick, i don't care how hard of a life you've lived, i want mine back, i don't want to hear yours.
i wish you would just dissapear, die even, i don't want you here, you've only caused more trouble.
i don't like you, i never have, never will, unfortuatly blood is thicker then water.
i wish you never came, i wished the phone never rang, i wish that i wasn't here when that phone rang.
go away, go away so i can have my life back, so i can at least have the crappy life i already lived back, because even that was better then this.... this pile of mess where everyone is unhappy.

点点点
点点点
点点点
加油噢！！fighting!! 噢！！fighting!! 噢！！
今天送给大家一句歌词
‘只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大，我痛的，疯的，伤的，在你面前哭得最惨’
这首歌是刘若英唱的，‘我们没有在一起’很好听哦~可是很悲。。。其实悲的原因是因为世界上这样的情侣太多了，因为‘这个世界太复杂’所以要单纯很难。想一想，因为世界而分手的人都会明白，这一种无奈是最痛苦的

啊啊啊啊啊假期要结束了！！！ daihen daihen!!!

这几天一直在听jj的新歌（虽然不是新歌了可是还是很好听）好想去他的演唱会！！臭老妈不让我去。。。。心痛！！

可是听到jj的歌时会有一种怀念的感觉，特别是‘第几个一百天’歌词好熟好熟。

第几个一百天，越来越有感觉

用眼睛去素描，你内心的世界

管过多少一百天，也会像刚热恋

两个人手一牵，连命运都改变

很好听吧~~哈哈

其实听到的歌词就像是我心声似的，不管过几个一百天，我还是会喜欢着你，还是会在人群中找你的背影，不管过几个一百天我还是会默默的想你。可是过了几个一百天，我的心会慢慢地变得不痛，会慢慢的接受这个事实。

日子就这样一天一天的过去了，我心也就这样一天一天的熬过去了。你呢？

哇好长一段时间没上blog了。。。哈哈
我快死了。。。上化学。。。天天在上化学。。。他妈的。。。我快死了。。。
这几天一直和chris-san一起上课哈哈哈他太花了哈哈哈哈笑死我了。。。。
啊啊啊啊正的太囧了。。。天天看到anthony天天盯着我，像我害了他什么的。。。。太囧了。。。。。
o(︶︿︶)o 唉不想去上课，，，，，o(︶︿︶)o 唉

i was just thinkg before, that maybe sometimes what we need is right by our side... but then again....... what is by ourside?
we never know what we have untill it's gone, so will we never know what we hav? or do we need to lose it inorder to know what we have.
you once had me, and now you still do.... does that mean i need to move on and then only then will you love me back? isn't that stupid.........

i went my leature today haha had a fun time wit chris,,, HA HA HA he's tryna pick up this girl... and he doesn't even know her name.... even though she's in our chem class... HE IS HOPELESS!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and not to mention there was a guy who looked like nathan (butfatter) and he keep staring... >

哈哈哈今天超hi的~~老妈帮我买了个ck的手表~超帅的哦~~ 哈哈

图片在上面自己看~还买了一条裤子~~哈哈很帅哦~~~

好了好了，，，我累了。。。也因该做一会儿作业~~ 哈哈~~

ha ha HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!
ha ha~ at lest u replied to 'happy easter'... i wasn;t expecting anything, anything at all....
thanx

孤独

为什么想到你就会觉得孤独，为什么和同学说话就会想到你，为什么连做化学也会想你，为什么没有你的世界是黑白的，颜色呢？

明明在同一个世界却看到的感受的都不同，为什么想笑可是笑不出，为什么想哭却哭不出，为什么世界会变的像一本没故事的白书？

想一想，各处走一走，看一看，看到的都是你。

想一想，在梦中幻想你时面对的重视你的背影。

为什么没有答案，为什么只有寂寞，为什么忘不了你，为什么心放不下。

如果爱情是那么的痛苦，那么我不想要爱情，我只要你。

我是真心的爱你，可是你是真心的想抛弃我，为什么能爱的那么的深也能让你那么快放弃。
痛，真的很痛，痛到我晚上睡不着，痛到我变得像木头人似的，没有感觉，没有感情。

我还记得你对我说的原因，你什么时候喜欢上我，你说是看了我的作文，那么现在看到的会让你再次喜欢上我吗？还是你还会那么的冷酷的对待我。

o(∩_∩)o 哈哈我偶像剧看得太多哦~~~~

学会了放弃，也学会了爱情，也知道世界上不是有缘就有分。
你是一个无形的伤口，是个不会被忘得伤口，因为你是我生命中第一个能让我爱上的男生。
你的单纯，你的幼稚，你的成熟，你的一切的一切，我都懂了。
谢谢你，谢谢你的指导，我懂了，我长大了，变得更加的成熟。
。。。
谢谢tom。。。

right now i'm in the park~ i wanted to see how far my wireless would go~ i guess this would be the boundry~ ha ha~
this is my little place, the swings, the monkey bars, the small slide, all my childhood memories, and memories of us, though u were never here, no matter when i thought about you, wanted to forget about u, i was always there, on the swings, hoping the wind would take me somewhere.
up, down, up, down, up, and finally down again. what goes up must come down, what started must end somewhere, so i guess we ended there, we ended when u gave up....

lights out,
lights on,
lights out,
lights on,
which one is it?

mum, yelling at grandparents, getting angry, and then later.... it comes onto me....
i wonder whats going on, i've said it before, and i'll say it again... i don't like my grandparents, not that i don't like them.... i like them..... i just don't want to live with them.....
they say the 'more the merrier', the more.... the more trouble it brings.... i really hate this... it makes the house a mess.... and once again.... i'm the one who ends up with all the trouble, not that our house was peacful before... at least it wasn;t like this...
maybe it's just easier to just walk out.... and do watever.....
not feeling at home in my own home, haveing no privercy..... having no understanding.... not been able to do what i want, feel wat i want to feel..... ahhh life......
i hate this all.... i rather go else where..... run away.... from everything..... start anew........
in a place where no one knows me..... in a place where i can be me.... without having all of this.... was it because in my last life i was a bad person? if so.... i'm sorri, i'll be good this life.... i will....
so someone... please take me away from this place, take me to a place more peaceful then this, a place where i can be me... where i can do all the things a normal 18 year old does.... please.....

ha ha alittle work with photo shop i worked hard on it~ do u like it?

love is blind

tyrna be good i'm coping my phy notes....
apart from ta fact tat i'm gonna fail phy..... chem is making me depressed......
wat am i gonna do........ eng is taking too long... have no motivation to do studio//// it looks like 4 subjects down ta drain....
and then we walked passed places that have taken for me to return to, places that remind me of you......
i rember ta other day on my way to collins, i saw someone from the back,,, someone that looked like u, walked like u, acted like u, and yet it wasn't. as i watched him cross the street, i look closely, holdin my breath, my heart pounded, and yet he walked passed.... it was like when u see them in the movies, the sourness of it not been u, and yet the sweetness of it not been you.....
i don't know what i'm ment to say, do.
i wish u were normal.... i don't know like a normal teenager? and not so mature, and didn't think so much, so then we would have the chance to be like children and enjoyed our month....
i remeber someone once telling me in life it doesn't matter who you love, but how you love. how did we love? i'm in love with a evil short sighted nerd,,, and yet, he doesn't care....
someone tell me i'm stupid, for been crazy about someone that doesn't care,,, someone tell me that i'm crazy for wanting it to work, someone tell that i'm wrong for loving you.... someone tell me, that i was just been played with....
i hate u, i want to hate u, i want to hate you....
and yet i can't, no matter how cold, how distant you seem, even you saying 'talk later' gives me hope... though knowing it's hopless, i still try, am i stupid?
if it were a friend, i would have told her off, told her that she was stupid... i guess this is wat they mean by love is blind...
'you'll find someone better'
thats wat they all say, and yet u were the first person in a long long long time i let my guard down on...
i wanted to let you in... and yet u didn't want to come in...
it hurts, knowing that u cared once, knowing that we were happy once...
a song to describ my feelings right now 'say no' by B2ST......
ok i'm off.... this is making me sad...........
bye bye~