sudden love of the song 'oh!my godessw' by TRAX from sment....
the song is so light, bubbly, happy, a song about meeting someone so wonderful that their out of this world.
i like that feeling. the feeling of your heart stopping, the world been in slow motion, then from the corner of your eye you see that one person, shinning brightly, as though a light is shawn on them non-stop.
i've been thinking alot lately, alot.
what is a soulmate? what is ment by the term 'destined one', 'the other half'.
it's not like we're an apple and can be cut into halves. and it's not like destiny is ever a thing to trust on. and yet we wait, we walk though life waiting, until we think we have found that thing we're waiting for. in chinese theres this term ‘真命天子’it basically means someone destined to be with you. i wonder if that term really means what it means. i mean what if you have a destined person, but for some reason they die before you met them, or if they were in fact born into another era. what can you do now? if you could time travelle then well our world would be a mess, cos everyone would just redo the same actions again and again. that would be complicated. because we can't travelle through time, we learn to 'cherish' because we can't relive life, we learn to be 'paient', but what good is there been paient, where 5 million other people in the world could be looking for the same thing as you are, sucess, fame, love, affection.
when i was little i was always told the story of the boy and the rose bushes, how this little boy inorder to pick the most beautieful rose walked all the way to the end of the bushes but ended up with nothing because he became too greedy. but can we really blame the little boy? for wanting something better, more beautieful, something more speacial? instead of calling it paience we called it greed. maybe i'm scared that i would walk to the end of the road with no rose in my hand, so i've grabed onto the first one i saw, maybe, we need to be like the little boy, maybe in the face of love we need to be alittle greedy to get the 'best deal'.
i've been thinking if there is a need to want to find someone you love, maybe the old 'arranged marriage' was a good idea, i mean this way at least you worn't end up with no one.
i saw on TV once that we as humans decied 'attraction' from the first moment we met, maybe you missed me. if you did come back around, maybe you'll notice something intersting.
so next time your on the street and see someone shinning from far away, don't be afraid, and try it out, cos you never know what can and will happen, you will never know unless you try...
bye bye for now~ ^^

havn't written anything for a while~ hehe~ i'm back for 2 days then back to study for my exams on the 10th and the 11th~
i finihsed my eng exam on thursday~ i finished it!!! yay!! thought my richard essay was not my best, lets hope i did well.......
while i'm alittle worried about my studio exam, what if i mess up i need that 45.....
and i'm also worried for chem... i don't know if i'll be able to get that 36 that i need... and for physics as well.... sigh... i will work hard@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last night was my valadictory dinner~ it was good... apart from all my fat........ - -;
i will work hard,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
harder................
on that note.. i;m also alittle sad cos i;m going to miss my teachers....

有一段时间没写中文了。。。kekekekeke如果回韩文肯定写韩文。。。ke ke ke ke
不晓得现在的我因该是要干什么，是要开心，难过还是因该往前看，把后面的都忘掉。
可惜的是，其实我也不知道我后面藏了什么。
也许，在身后中我们寻找的并不是前方的路怎么走，而是一个人，帮我们记已经走过的路。
那一年，那一天，我因该会遇到你吧。我从没有相信过‘真命天子’，也许现在我因该开始相信了。有可能相信了以后会找到他吧。
‘真命天子’如果你在的话请你快一点来找我~我会等你的，来的以前跟我call一下，这样我就有心理准备了~

my high school life is now offically over, and it's all left to exams now. somehow i feel relieved, and yet at the same time, i feel as though i have lost a large part of my life. somewhere in me, i'm happy that this year is going to finish soon, because it hasn;t exactly been my year.
which had me thinking latley, maybe life isn't about how well you live it, it's who you live with, the people you are with that make life what it is, whether it's been alone, or with friends and family, it's because their there that make life so much better then what it seems like.
i don't know if i should feel exicted about the up coming exams, because after them i will be free, and so far for the majority of my life, it's been so rotiune that i don't know what i would do with my life when i have so much free time.
maybe i should go out and see the world, have fun, and enjoy my last year as a teenager, after all study has consumed most of it. i wanna be able to sneak out at night, drive a car with friends and just be kids, maybe thats what i missed out during these six years of my secondary college.
because i never really lived close to my school, so my friends would always be far from me, whether those friends near the glen, even those who are in bentleigh, they've always been far from. i've never really gotten close to anyone, i don't want to, because past experences have told me that getting close to people will always end up in me getting hurt, and when that courage is strong enoygh i still get hurt, so whats the point in getting close where all you get is pain. why not just stay at a arms length to keep your slef safe?
i don't want to get hurt again, i don't because for the past year, i've been unable to breathe, unable to be me. it hurts, like a stone is on my cheast stopping my lungs from working, stopping them from breathing.
it hurts, it really does.
i've thought alot in the past few weeks, what is it i want to do with my life? i know the answer, and i know that it worn't happen, because i don't have the qualities to fulfill that role, and apart of me wishes i did, because i know that if i could i would run after it with all my might no matter where it will lead me.
if i ever get the chance, if i ever get the chance to go after that spotlight i will. but this life isn't fit for it, so it will never happen.
i feel empty, i really do, like life has scooped my insides out, and taken them away. i feel as though life hates me, god hates, that i am the one exception in the world, where i'm just hated.
i got a migrane yesterday, my first in a long time. apart of me wonders why it is that i am this way. why am i ugly and fat, why am i hated by all those i want to be close with. i miss been a child, a child with no cares, a child willing to dream, willing to dive into the deep seas to search for their dreams.
right now i feel lost, hopless, useless, maybe thats the way it's meant to be

been afairded to fly

i'm afraid to fly, because the higher i get, the harder i will have to fall, just like me been happy, the happier i am the harder the fall i will have.
shall i just stay lonley? at least that way, there is no fall because there is no lower i can fall

tomorow is the last day of MCK...
i am gonna miss it sooo much.....
i'm glad i was at mckinnon, i'm glad that i stayed...
thank you McKinnon for giving me such a great time

>exams are in 2weeks and 2 days now
my first exam, eng
and 3 weeks after that i will be finished
last exam 11th chemistry
i'll miss McKinnon, alot
because after all, it's been my home away from home for 6 years and i think, i'll miss it to bits and pieces, not only seeing my friends everyday, but also the buildings the slack off periods and the teachers that have been there since, since forever, McKinnon i'll miss you, because you gave me the best experience i could ever have had for my secondary schooling.
<3
thank u

为什么有一种天会塌下来的感觉，为什么会觉得那么的孤单，为什么会那么痛。
为什么全世界都那么的恨我。。。为什么只有我。。、

to me it feels like as though it's been almost a whole year without been able to breathe. and just then for the first time in that year i could breath. finally