i don't know who i am, what i want to be, what i am ment to be......
like someone lost, hopless, useless......
right now everything in my world seems so lonley......
i want to scream, cry, punch someone, but i can't cos i know doing so worn't do anything......
i wanna run away, somewhere far far away, where i can just sleep, because sleep seems like the only time i can just be, without worries, without tears.
i'm not beautiful, not skinny, nor do i have a good family background, my personality isn't the best ether... what do i have? nothing... prehaps thats way you left, because there is no good being with someone that has nothing,
it's been depressing latley, becaue suddenly it was the 27th a few days ago, i relised that it's almost been 10 months since we've broken up and yet to me, you still havn't left....
someone wake me up from this nightmare

想找到的，找不到，其实说实话我并不晓得自己在寻找什么，常常一个人这样的默默的过日子。我想知道的事其实并不多，可是因为什么多不晓得才会有那么多问题。

你在吗？？在看吗？？不看也可以，因为你从没有关心过我，所以也没什么差别。不晓得人生是不是这样的，失恋后没办法好好吃，好好睡，想恨那个人可是有没有办法，想忘记那个人可同时又想再见他一面。恋爱就那么的痛苦吗？

这几天越来越紧张了，因为分数要出来了。这几天一直没有办法好好的睡。好怕好怕去年的重复再发生。好怕。。。

去年有了你，今年失去了你，今年会有新的吗？然后明年又失去。。。

人生就只有这样吗？得到后就失去，失去后在得到。

不晓得因该怎么面对这个世界。如果你有想法的话，Po一下吧~~~

对于爱情的伤因该怎么去处理，医生说回想对身体不好，会让大脑和心脏不正常。
可我常常因为回想而哭泣，而心痛。
看上去我还是放不下。
看上去我还是被抛弃的那一个。

well going out today, so i thought i should do a post before i go~ =]
recently i've been obsessed with 'nothing better' by jun yeop (sorry for the misplet name... so many variations of it) i really love this song, for the simple melody, simple meaning of it. it's such a beautieful song. if u have the chance go and search it up on you tube~
on another notes meeting up with brian jess and nathan today, jake has life guarding so he can't come = =; damn him... anyway it'll be fun i'm looking forward to it, i've missed them so much ~
=]

i've had time to think about things lately, frankly too much time.
while everyone has a goal to reach for, i don't know what i want, i know what i want to do, but also know it'll never happen. so where is the line between realtiy and desire?
i have no idea how i'm going to live my life, i have no idea what i would want to do, i have no idea how to walk this road.
i want to pray to something, but what is there to pray to, god? budda? if we all pray and if all our wishes come tru then life would be a mess.
i don't know how i am ment to react to certain things in my life.
i want to say it, that i want you back, that i hate u, that ur mean, evil, that i miss you. but i know me saying those things will do nothing. jake i know how you feel, but unlike you i havn't found the person that will help me overcome it.
right now, my life seems directionless, hopeless, it feels like a endless void with me walking in a black tunnel, endlessly walking, running occasionally, but running doesn't make a difference, after all it's void.
i want to run away, to a island somewhere, alone, by myslef, and just watch the world pass by.
does it ever feel like ur the spectator in someonelses show, even know u are apart of this little world, it feels like you are only there to watch. to watch other act and play, while u sit and watch and clap.
this feeling of been loney, of been alone, it doesn't feel good, it feels almost as if someone's taken u and place u into the middle of the sea, that feeling of dorwning in your own tears.

anthony's song really got to me 'sorry that i loved you'. that line 'sorry for been the one that taught you how to cry'. are you sorry that u taught me how to cry? in this past year i have cried more for myslef then i have ever in my whole life...
so next year, i wanna laugh more, smile more, i want to change

well went and dyed mai hair today, i don't know what colour is it, well i can see it, but i have no idea what colour it is...... it's like orange but brown, but red..................................... i have no idea

went out today with friends, it was fun, talking, eating, and been a teenager.
but as the day ended i couldn't help but feel lonley, feel that i was the only one hurt, that i was the only one that was this situation. i know 2010 is a important year, but i now also know, that it has been the hardest year i have lived though in my life, loosing someone i careded for, and having to live though the year without support.
i want to reach out and say it, it hurts, it hurts really bad, i wanna cry on the phone and be that girl that is clingy and begs for a chance, but i can't do it, maybe because apart of me knows that you don't care, maybe i just don't care for you enough, maybe i'm just not that kind of girl.

2NE1's it hurts is a really beautieful song, about a girl who's still not over a guy, about how one part of you will hate that person and how the other half of you will accept him back with open arms if he comes back. i guess thats the saddest thing, where even though someone can hurt you so, you still love them regardless.

i've been wanting to do a cover of it, but compared to parkbom, cl, minzy, and dara's voices, my voice is so powerless, maybe i do a different cover of it. seeing how i wanned to sing it in korean, but, my abilty to learn languages is really poor seeing how my chinese marks were last year, i've decied to over the english verson of it. i havn't done it yet, but when i have i will upload it.

so before i upload a cover of it i'll post half of the lyrics up, i didnt' write this, i found it on youtube and i really love the lyrics because they fit so well and they also cover what the original song is saying so here it is.

think of that time not long ago
spending all those days alone
walking hand in hand and never letting them go

but now your into someone new
and i can't forgive you
for making all those promises that will never come tru

tell me now oh where did our love go
tell me now i've got the right to know
tell me how you could stand watching me hurt so-ooo
tell me if you ever change your mind
tell me if you want to make it right
am i the only one hurt tonight

oh baby
why don't you care
what ever happens to me you worn't be there
and i know where ever we go
we'll be apart apa apart-t

这是我人生中第一次觉得世界是残忍的，第一次觉得度过的一切是浪费的，是没用的，是多余的。
不知因该怎么样面对这样的世界，不知因该这么努力。
今天又下雨了，天气变冷了，有可能算命师说的是对的，经年桃花不好，要等到明年5月。。。那就慢慢等吧，反正等了一年也没什么，在等5个月因该是小case吧。。。

ok VCE is over~ =]
i have nothing else to say.. to the least i had a few laughs with a few yr 11's blogs......
well not laughs... but more like mocking giggle~
lol, tryna get a job... yes... i am never NEVER waitressing AGAIN!! NEVER!
after aki's place i have a fear of 12 balls of piping hot miso soup on a tray much too big and much too flimsy to hold the 12 balls of miso soup...
life after VCE is well... boring to say the least... my mum taking my money believeing i will spend it on booze... (not to mention i barley drink due to my crappy piece of blood vessal in my head that swells up when i do drink and gives me migranes) now i am pov, bored, and fat... life is great... it really is...
on a higher (much better note) i have found a reteller for the LG BL 40~!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!
yes it is only 379!!!!!!!!!!! another yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but getting itouch on monday!!! yay@@@@@!!! games baby!!!! and cos my very small very green ipod nano is dying on me.....
went to the city today, almost walked into someone i didn;t like but i ran away =] i'm getting better at running away, but more stupid to where almost walking into a display frame... = =;
yes i am sad...
anyway life will get better when i get into uni (if i can get into uni), probs MEL U, prob never monash, but i will i said i WILL be attending the oriantation week for MONASH!!! because? well,,,, MONASH ISN"T CHEAP LIKE MEL U AND HAS SOO MUCH FREE STUFF DURING THAT WEEK SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol.. such an asian~
anyway saw someone that looked like BRAIN today very creepy..... >--->
yes.... i did....
no another note jap ppl really do like BL and GL don't they.... - -lll i stumbled upon a live action verson of a BL.. the guy was hot... all of them ... = =;
that is not fair...
anyway gonna go and buy chicken now....
bye bye~

我知道了，我懂了。
那一年，这一年，goodbye

tomorow is my studio and physics exam~!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and the after that my chem. i've decied on thursday i'm gonna go and cut my hair after the exam and then next monday i'm gonna dye it another colour, me is thinking light brown or copper~~ hehe~~ can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh!!! 2 MORE DAYS! HWAITING!!!

for some reason i can't sleep, not because of the stress of the exams but the excitement of them, though i know i'm going to fail chemistry, i still feel as though i have a fighting chance, i'm hoping for a A so i can get at lest 36 for my study score, but after the midyears, i feel as though my chances are low, i'm also really bad at the battery and fuel cell stuff, the calculations are easy to me, i'm more worried about the redox stuff. i want to do my bets for studio and get a A+ for my exams, then i would have a chance of getting 48 for it. as for physics all i need to do is make sure i don't make any stupid mistakes, cos if i don't i'm sure i can get a A and get that 36 i need.

i don't know what i should be doing right now, i'm not tried nor am i stressed, i think I've moved on from that. tomorrow i'll go though the information for studio again, and read over redox again for chemistry. if i do that, i should be able to memories the batter and fuel cell stuff by Wednesday if i read over them again tomorrow and then again on Wednesday.

apart of me is excited that the exams are going to finish on thursday, the other half scared, that after thrusday you have seven days, seven days to call me, to talk to me, because if you do then i know we would have a chance, if you don't then i know that you would have changed...

so after thrusday, i hope you call, because if you don't, i think i might give up and go in a new direction.

i hope i can do well in my exams, i really do, i've worked hard, i want to reap some reward, after all the midyears were a disappointment.

bye bye for now~~~

ahhh studying for studio right now... i like art... but i only like doing the art... not that i don't have the appreciation for the greats, it's just that art is more enjoyable when your doing somethin you like, and well i like the making part of art.
ahh euorpean masters, a exihibition i will no go to again... i didn't like the art works, i really didn't though they were by some of the greatest european masters of the 19th and 20th century, the exhibition design really didn't do alot for me. the brightly warm coloured walls and the mixture of dark grey tones really didn't make the art works jump at me, they merely took away from the art works. following the key artistic movements of the time (realisium impressionism post-impressionism, german romanticism, expressionism, modernism, french symblosim) the european masters flew over all the way from the STADEL MUSUME in FRANKFURT in german. showing to the audience rarely seen realists and symbolist masterworks by artists such as Max Liebernamn and Franz von Stuck. almost 100 works by 70 artists were shown in the 7th addition to the Melbourne Winter Mastpieces serise at the NGV.
the additon of the long balck transit way from the first selctions of gallery spaces to the next represents the morning of the art works lost during thr NAZI rein, as the NAZIs burnt many art works and many works we are shown today have been saved by individuals from teh NAZIs.
ahhh regeritation of stuff is sure useful in studio.... sigh,,,,if only chem was that easy..... sigh......
SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
now for physics, if i can get the MC right a 90+ would be certain, because well i can get 90+ for short answer.. and MC brings mai marks down.. lets hope i can get 13 out of 13 for the MC
i got a text from tom today, =]
it made my day, though i already knew cos my teacher (tsfx teacher) is the one who worte the exams for TSFX already told us, but it was sweet. =] i didn't tell him that though. i was high for a while and then relised i only had 4 days left so i started to study again.. now for the contiuation of physics... one more exam left.. i lirtally have no more left... = =;
i need more.. right now 86% due to my horrible MC marks... sigh.....
oh well back to studio notes, gonna finish writtin them today so i have 3 days to remeber them all... not alot of notes, infact 60% of the exam is the skill of making something out of nothing.. the one thing in life i'me good at...
well wish me lack for the last 3 exams i will ever have in VCE!!!!
bye bye~~~ =]