havn't been feeling good all day...... i think i pick up the fone at least 100 times..... to txt or not to..... and then everytime i do i think that it'll gte you into trouble..... and yet at the same time..... i wanted too soo badly...... so i called a friend and wasted all mai credit.... so for the rest of this year... i worn't be able to txt anyone.....

i really really really miss you..... i think this is the first time we havn't talked in a day......

oh another note spent ALL my money today~~~ getting presnts for people.... = v = i am now offically POV!!!

anyway going of~

and if your reading good nite~~~

back on again..... wanna talk to you...... but i know i shouldn't call...... i would only get you into troble..... at times like this i wonder who i can talk 2.... and when i think closly.... i wouldn't talk 2 anyone.... cos it would only bring them trouble......................

i wish i could talk.... cos at the mom...... i don't know.......

i'm been slefish aren't i?

i'm sorry...... i really am......

i was talking to junkers/// everytime the fone vibrated i was hoping it was you..... that kind of anticipation..... it can kill someone you know....

if i talked to you about this stuff, would u get annoyed? if i told you i was feeling lonley and sad, wil it only trouble you?

i guess this is wat people call 'missing someone'. good nite....

theres a chinese saying 'if a girl says the world is coming to an end, then nothing is wrong. But if a girl says nothing, then the world is coming to an end.'

i didn't understand what the saying meant, i mean why can't we just say what we want? but now i do. it's because we care for them that we do that. i understand, i really do, but i can't help but feel lonley... after all after all that i finally got to taste the apple. but now your telling me i can only have one bite, and the rest has to be saved.

i know i should be good, and say that i understand, thats y i didn't say anything. but i still can't help but yell in my head, y can't u do somthing. i know i shouldn't i know i'm just been slefish, but i can't help it.

i want to say that i can support you 100% but right now, i don't know if i can. anyway it's the new year soon. though i really wanted to spend christmas with you, we didn't get the chance. and hopefully there will be a chance when we can spend a christmas together. happy new year, they say you should spend new years eve with the person you like then you'll be able to spend the whole year together. i don't think we will get that chance.

my feelings havn't change, but it seems to me that reality has set in. reality is so cruel. maybe if i didn't live so far away, maybe if i went to the same skool. maybe if i had told you earlyer then this year we could have spent christmas together or even last years. can't help but feel foolish, that maybe last year, if i hadn't held so tightly onto joachim then i could have had something great.

right now i think i'll just do what i always do. i'll stay silently next to you, i'll do my best to do my best. and i hope, in some time we can maybe spend sometime together, even if it's for 5 mins.....

feeling sad isn't somthing that happens to me often, at least not alot of people know about it. but right now i have the courage to say that i'm feeling sad and lonley. and it doesn't feel so good. i think it's tha first time that i've been able to say so. if your reading this, don't mind it, i'm always over dramatic. i'm fine, and i always will be...

a belated Merry Xmas everyone and happy new year. i hope you are enjoying every mintue of life at the moment because next year, it might all change.

good nite~~~