for some unknow reason he keeps poping up into my head, as hard as i try to overcome it, it keeps going, way are u coming back to haunt me when've i'm moved on? why does it feel as though i'm lying to myslef when i say i don't? and yet at the same time that someonelse makes me feel better, like i'm worth somthing. wat are u doing? though i'm 100% sure that u will never care, that u will never even know, why do i keep holding on.

i've tried walking away, running away, walking into it, running into it. what will i do? can i say that i like a person when apart of me is feeling like a lier?

i want to know, what u think, how it was, and how u've been, i've never had teh courage to talk to u, even for a second. u just keep quiet and out of the way, and yet u seem so warm.

maybe if i said it again, maybe if i said that imight still, did like you, maybe then u will leave me alone. but i don't want to. i want to feel this warm fuzzy thing, it's so nice.

am i starting to like you? even thoygh i know someone that like you? even though i know u will say no. does that mean i can't like you? i know i've told u, liking someone doesn't mean u hav to make a move, but sometimes theres enough like to make you want to. should i? i know it'll bring you more harm then good, and yet i can't stop. it feels good to talk 2 u, it makes my day alittle better, just siting there waiting for teh text back, though sometimes it takes a few hours, every one of those mintues is sweet. i find myslef stuck between two rocks, and maybe i'll never get out. i guess if you read this you would know who you are, but will you?

sometimes it makes me want to go back to the time in year 9 and 10 when u can just muck around with out worries but now we have the exams coming up, and then yr 12, i guess i'll bring more trouble then good. i guess i should run away for now, and maybe come back to it in 2 years.

but will i be able to?

hiya~

i was reading back on my blogs and now i've relised how many spelling mistakes i have... sorri?!

well apart from teh usual up and downs i've decied that i want to make t-shrits~~~ i've got a few designs i'll post them up when i've acurally made th t-shrits~~

i was reading a friends blog before, that person's life is so different from mine, full of events, while mine is just pain old me, but i guess i enjoy this feeling? the feeling of not been rushed of not been hurried into something.

i was talking to someone else before.. i've grown to like them, they feel so warm and comfortable to me, i want to know if that'll make me suffer in the future. i was thinking about getting another hair cut, then as i was watching tv i kinda missed my long hair, but my hair grows fast it'a already past my shoulders now.

i guess there isn't much to write about today, nothing much has happened latly, but i guess something will.

we went to a hot pot store with a bunch of friends to celebrate davy's b'day and our success during asian week~~ yea it was fun. as we walked to the hot pot place, i looked everywhere, hoping i might caught a glimps of you, but u were there. maybe i'm been slefish, maybe i'm just been stupid, but i really want to met u again just once, but i'm afarid if i met u again i'll ask for more and more. i want to know who u are

update

he he havn't updated enough.. well it's the hoildays, and it's making me think maybe year 11 went too fast/ all the things i wanted to do before the year 12's graduate.

i've always wanted to tell that person what i've been dying to tell, but i don't think i can anymore. i guess maybe due to the fact that i am no longer the same person i was at the start of the year, over the year i've found that the world has become so complicated and even if so, why is it that those who are younger then me know this better then i do. maybe jake, i think u've grown up too fast, u might want this time back in 10 years.

i want to live the rest of my highschool life without regret, but i'm pretty sure thats not gonna happen, but it would be my wish before i graduate!

we went up to the dandi ranges on monday, it was really good, as dad was driving up the mountain i looked out, and it's that nostic feeling you get when you met someone u don't want to met. at that time i kinda wished that the person who i was thinking about was there too, to share it with me. but i guess it worn't happen, i think we've used up all of our 'relationship quotes'. we proberly worn't met again, but if we do, i hope then i will have the corage to come up to you and ask who you are.

on the other note, i think i've found someone that i've grown to be fond of, like how i was with J....... but then again, i don't know. we're closer? well we talk alot, but somehow he seems distant. apart from NATHAN!! i don't think i've been able to talk to anoyther guy like well nathan. i mean (nathan ur prob reading this but... you know what i mean) well i almost think of nathan as alittle brother. well i hope that maybe this time i'll be able to just leave it.

you that feeling when ur ust upset as if someone's just poured water all over you? well latly thats how i felt. for some reason it feels better ot be apart of a corwd. just walking in the city alone, looking listening and seeing all those people makes me feel better? i guess it just reminds me that there soo many other people out in teh world that is there, thats there just like me, lost and still unaure about the future.

sometimes i wish i could just scream out what i want to say, and be left alone, i don't care what you think, i don't care what he thinks, i don't care what she thinks. i want to scream all that out, but it still seems like mission impossible.

i want to know if i can be me without been me. i want to know if i can say it to him without thinking about other things, i want to be able to just live? i've always thought about what it would be like to be in a story, i just want something to happen. i've gotten to the point where life has become 'white' no longer colourful. i don't care if i get hurt, at least then i'll know i'm alive and not just travelling through void. the world is soo big, yet so small, it's allowed us to met over 6 times in three different cities, i woner if it'll bring us together ever again.

maybe your even reading this, i wish i could know, but i don't/

we're going out to the city 2morow for davy's brithday, even if i say this is a wish, i wish i could met you again, just so i can stop asking myslef, 'who are you?'

YAY~

well life has been good to me.

our skool's asian week is coming up and we're selling noodles!!! and dumplings!! and coke.......

yes coke........

anyway on saturday i was able to talk to someone with out been called a man, well for most of it anyway. i guess i never relised how complicated he is, been a simple minded person, i rarely ever think that much into something, but then again maybe i just don't want to. maybe it'll make me think about the bad in people.

he has soo many masks.... so many.... maybe it's just because i'm more slef centered then most people, that i don't see the things they want me to see.

talking to him made me think about when i was alittle, and like that. i remeber in primary school, i was always the nice one, tryning to make eveyone like me? then as i got older i grew tierd of it, and slowly i became me, the annoying, attenion seeking, loud, naive idiot, who's enjoing life.

now when i think about it, i never enjoyed been a child, i always wanted to be older and be able to do things on my own. maybe this was because of the way i grew up, i remeber i started to make my own lunch in grade 3 and by grade 4, i did everything myslef. now when i think back, i never really had a childhood.

i really miss been a navie, stupid child, who was just been a child. and i know i'll never get that chance ever again, that might be my biggest regret of my life. i guess me been who i am i would really want to go back and tell myslef to just enjoy today, and not think about 2morow, becasue 2morow never comes.

no matter how hard i try, i can never forget those times when i've achevied something and my parents never saw it. i remeber last year someone said to me 'didn't u get enough hugs from your daddy?' though that person ment it as a joke, i remeber coming home and crying my eyes out. my dad and mum never cared. no matter how well i got at school or worked, they never looked at me.

i want to go back to those days, and just tell myslef to stop hoping that they would be sitting in the audience, but even now i can't do that, even now when i look out, i just hope their there to say 'good job'.

i've always admired those who've had bright childhoods, because those people always seemed too happy as adults.

maybe i'm too slefish asking so much from them, but is it really alot? i want to go back to when i was onlt in grade 1 and tell myslef, act dumb, be stupid, do stupid things, so at least they know your there.

hello!!

havnt blogged for a while... this is all facebooks fault.....

anyway nothing much happened... well acurally not alot at all.....

i was talking to a friend, well yesterday, and well i worn't name names... but it's pretty ov who i was talking to. anyway he's still heart broken? i don't know, he was saying something else, and his blog was saying something else so me is confused.....

but it made me think how a relationship can really change what you think and how you think. though it might not be my place to say anything, but i kinda hope he can work it out.

(O..............O)

i was thinking before about someone else... i mean will i really meet him again? may be in 5 years in china again or maybe today at my work place. i mean is he even the same guy? i really wanna know the answer to my question after all, it's been stuck in my head for a while now, and i really don't know what to do.

(T^T)

for some unknown reason he has a mysterious side to him, which makes me want to know who he is even more. i don't know what to do, maybe if i had a picture of him i could post it on wretch or blogger, but i don't. i guess i'll just havta wait until if i ever met him again.

o(^O^)oo(^O^)oo(^O^)o

on a lighter note, my physics test mark was good, at least i'm happy with it, and my methods exam is coming up, i am gonna fail....

my game plan is this, just do alot of exam papers and stuff the exercises that mr killeen tells us to do for homework....... not that i don't do them......

i acurally just did an exam one.... it seems easy, around the same as our sac's and yet again i dont get every good marks for a sacs.... but i think it's not that i don't know the stuff, i just lack exercise... so i guess it'll be bye bye FB, games for the rest of the days until the exams....

my detail study is going well, but you can tell my tutour getting annoyed at me for still not memorising it.... but mweee....

anyway i'm gonna go and make a new pencil case now... i feel like a change of surrounding, not that my pencil case will be anybigger then my current one... but not in much of a doing hw mood...... ok 88 for now