been heart borken is like been a room without light, and yet been in love is like been pluged into a pool of light, both blinding, both filled with pain and pleasure....
i've been wondering what you've been up to latly, after all te exams are near....
for some reason every now and then i would think about the things we talked about....
then as soon as i relised that i shouldn't be i relise that i;m stil missing u,,,,
if i wait, if i keep waiting will u still feel the same>
i've always though i that i wanted to tell u, but now i don't, if i keep this my little secret then i can keep the dream alive, if i tell u, my bubble migt burst. and i don't want it too.
if possible, it woul be good if we can met up after teh exams... which means that in a month i worn't be in australia anymore....

好长一段时间没和你通电话了，谢谢，谢谢你对我的‘认证’。 你打来是因为你还有感觉，还是因为你见死会救呢？听到你声音，好开心，乐道我发疯。我真没用。。。
可是这几天，让我发现了，其实，对的感觉还是像当初一样。。。

may 21st... i really doubt u'll ask me... after all it's on ta 10th

'can we pretend that planes in the night skies are shooting stars, because i really need a wish right now'.
i really need a wish.... at that time, i really did, and i know that theres not use wishing.... because it worn't do any good.
if i was to wish for somthing right now, for me to be able to see you one more time... just once, because i miss you, i really do, just once i want to tell you what i really want to tell you, instead of hidding it, i want to tell you that i miss you, that i still like you, that i wish you were here, for me, just this once.
just for once for you to be there when i really need you, to be a normal couple......................

saying i love you, wishing that u might say it back, everywhere i look, i see you.
i don't know why, even after all this time, things just seem to contiue....
i was in the city the other day going to class, and i saw a person that looked just like u......
and i couldn't help but stare, hope, that maybe it was you....
'if you tell me you don't need me anymore, that our love isn't forever, i'll ask you a second chance to make our love alittle better' i love that song, it's soo sweet, and yet so sad, that in the face of love i've become such a pathetic person.......
i know u've been visting me on farmvile... and i'm sorri if i'm alittle slow, but could it be ur way of telling me that you care? or is it just my wishful thinking?

i'm beggining to think i've become the most pathetic person on earth.... such a small thing..... such a small incignificant thing..... can take me from earth to heaven and then to helll.....
for some reason, my tears have kept flowing.....
i wish they would, so i can stop crying......

一分一秒，都在想你在干什么，你是不是生病了，是不是有和jim出去吃饭了，是不是会偶尔想我。那种知道因该放弃可是有没有勇气放弃的感觉，那种知道如果放弃了就会等于放弃了自己的感觉，好痛苦，好痛苦。
我会常常想是不是因为我太任性了，太幼稚了，太冷酷了，太黏了，太过于关心，是不是因为我太胖了，太丑了，你才会放手的。
有了勇气问可是有没有勇气听答案，就算下了决心也没有用，因为我知道你只会隐瞒。
为什么感情那么的迷糊，为什么做什么都没有用，我想等待，可是同时怕如果真的等了我只会得到悲哀和痛苦。因为我觉得现在的我是没有办法再次那么的勇敢的面对这一切了。
可是我还是喜欢你的，为什么，为什么会那么的无奈，没有办法忘掉。。。

不敢停下来

你知道吗？我想和你说的，都慢慢地，渐渐的变成了幻觉，不是因为我的心变了而是因为知道和你说了等于一个零。而是因为知道你的心窝里已经没有我的地方了。其实因该说从来没有我的地方，因为我只是一个‘客人’，待一会儿就会走了。为什么，写了那么多的放弃还是放不下，还是想在你心窝里多stay一会儿，因为还是喜欢你，想你。
生病了，可是不敢停下来，因为停下来以后，就会痛，思念就会这样偷偷摸摸的来找我，躲也躲不掉，跑也跑不过，可是如果忙一下他就会显得没有那么明显。
应为知道，慢慢地，我会忘记你，因为过一会儿我就要回去了。。。

'pigsssssssss'
how is that one little action from so ago is still making me sad.
i went onto farmvile today... and got a comment that was 192 days ago. i saw it and brust into tears. how is it that i've become to pathetic that such a small act can make me miss you so more, can make me wonder what it is that i am meant to do, what it is that i am meant to be. i want to know i want to talk like we used to, and if i knew, this would be the outcome, i wouldn't have asked, i woudln't have been so brave to tell you.

havn't blogged in a while... acurally i just don't remeber anything these days.... man... working hard on chem.... really hard... and i still feel as though i'll fail.... in fact i don't even know if i'll pass yr 12..... depressed..... =[
other then that i've also been thinking, thinking hard....... but........ i don't know what about......
feeling as though i was in a dark hole.... falling falling..... somewhere..... at terminal velocity....... no warmth, not cold....... not happy nor sad....... and yet, when u pop up on the screen, i'm happy, i know it seems stalkish.... but secretly opening that window and even talking to it makes me alittle better.... and yet... afterwards i feel even wrose..... thinking.... hoping..... wishing.... soooooo hard........................
and yet nothing happens.... feeling hopless, annoyed because i don't know what to do, what is meant to happen... and yet, you seem to be moving on without a trouble..... thinking.... wishing.....
i wonder..... what i'm meant to do... and i don't even make sense most of the time and yet..... in my mind, i'm so set on one thing, that i still like you.....
i wish someone would tell me otherwise.....
soo exhausted from school, mentally, physically and emtionally.....
i wonder if running away will make my life better, a new life, a new surrounding, a new start,.....
i wonder why it is that some of use just seem to be able to move on without a hitch..... is it because they know that there's no point in waiting and sitting, but how do u know that nothing good will come out of it........
tell me.... tell me.... wat is meant to happen....

it's getting closer to your 18th... and i worn't be here to txt you 'happy 18th'... i wanted to call you on that day... and say it in person... but i worn't be here... so... should i call the friday before? the day before i leave? should i? or should i just leave it be...
i've always wondered what life is meant to mean... i guess now... i know... working hard towards something... no matter if it succeds or not you know you've tried your best.
i guess on that firday... before school i'll call you... and say happy birthday, i don't know if you'll pick up... i don't... but if you do... i'll say it... if you don't... then well... i guess i know where i stand

someone tell me... if missing someone is meant to be so painful... i don't know why but latly i can't help but feel as though, i've been left behind, in the past, where we should be. they said time would make it better, but it hasn't it's made it worse... waking up... wondering what your doing... looking at my phone... hoping you would just pop up... imagining your day, remebering that day... we never got to do alot of things... but your still there lingering in my mind, can i say that it's my fault for being so impaient?
so how are you? how have you been?
... ... ... ... ... ...
i miss you, i do, every minute of my day, every second... i miss you... alot... please... say something back... please?

'and time and time again, i want to say'

wanting to say something, wanting to say something, saying it, and then been ignored....

it hurts....

i've been wondering about a lot of things lately, whether i will be able to get what i want, and from history... that answer would always be zero...

i believe that in life we get what is meant to be ours, and if it's not meant to be then it'll never be yours.... and what if i say that i want to be selfish for once... just this once, and get what i want no matter if it belongs to me or not....

while i wonder about these things.... everything else draws my head in..... not been able to know anything, and having everything become much more overwhelming then what it is needed to be....

someone tell me whats soo good about life that makes people laugh, smile... because at the moment theirs nothing in my life that is worth smiling and laughing about....

i'm hating yr 12... i really am...