brought these pens from typo~

ha ha passport arrived today~~ haha compared to ta chinese one it's sooo colourful~

had a good day today~ went to have lunch with the mixed couple and then ye and i went off for some shopping~ didn't buy any cloths.... while i get fatter my hair gets shorter.. = =;;;

anyway discovered a really cheap stationary shop at DFO well not cheap cheap but ok better then smiggle if u ask me~ brought 5 fineliners for $5 (typo picture ^ up there~)

ha ha ~~ had a fun time

after all that we went to our usaly little tea shop~ and had milk tea~ ha ha~ yes we're sooo asian~~~

sometimes life is something that we can't stop from comming, and even though we know they are coming and yet..... we do it anyway.......
i love you.... and i always have.... too bad you don't love me too

happened to be looking through a friends photos, and saw his birthday party, and then saw ta cake, and then saw you. and then something started to burn inside, i don't know if it was a feeling telling me that i know it's over, or if it's a feeling how happy we were.

i don't know whats been going on with u... didn't we say we would stay friends? didn't we say we would try to be friends?

i don't know.... i don't know whats happening....

i had a dream last night, a dream that i was walking out of my school on the last day of yr 12, and you were standing there, waiting for me, in your school uniform. i heard u call out my name, i remeber walking over to you, smiling, almost crying, and then i woke up. is it a sign that i know it would never happen? or is it a sign that maybe at the end of the year we would restart.

it's been fun so far these hoildays.... but i havta hurry up with the homework,,, though i'm making my through it,,,, the pile isn't getting smaller.....

i was taking photos and well i liked this one, i thought i should share somthing visual every now and then... seeing how boring my blog is.. so here~

seeing you, seeing them, seeing what life has become, it makes me wonder, how is it that some can forget so quick, and others, unable to forget the comfort, the warmth.
without those around us, we fail to see whats not there, and yet, until it's gone we don't know what we have. life is something we all hold and yet some of us choose to be unpleasent, difficult. if it were so, then why even try, to be important, to be impressive.
in life we have to learn to be slefless, be kind, be understanding, and yet in love, if we are those things, love passes us by. so is it ok to be slefish in the arms of love? to only want them to see you, for them to think of only you, for them to belong to only you?
if liking someone were a crime, then we would all be in trouble, and yet for love, knowing and not acting is also a crime. for you who loves and hids, it is painful, and yet for the person who loves you back, to have and yet to not have it the world becomes a place without lights. without words you can become apart of someone;s life, and at the same time without words you leave, leaving a trail of pain behind you. so please, if you do love, like, don't hid, because you may never know what the other is thinking. because, knowing and not having is more painful then knowing and loosing.

• 问题：how do u know when u like someone?
• 答案：当他不在时，你会想他，当他不在时，你心会痛，当他不在时，你会发现其实，痛了才爱了

• 问题：为什么放弃
• 答案：因为没有继续的原因

• 问题：还爱他么？
• 答案：世界上不是有缘就有分的。

• 问题：还痛吗？
• 答案：痛，可是很甜。。。

i'm begging to think you dont' care.... infact i think i should be saying i'm conferming you don't care.............................

if u do care, don't tell me,,,,, cos now i can hate you for somthin other then been u.......

listening and singing to sad songs...... ahhhhh i'm sooo sad////// = =;;;

it's ok//// 2morow i'll wake up and everything will be happy again.... it will because it has to be.... for some reason listing to the goong ost makes me sad....... it's such a depressed tone...... u said 'talk later' but in your dictionary it means 'talk when i can' which in my dictionary it means 'sorry,,,, talk 2 u after vce',

i don't know y but ‘分手快乐’makes me cry every time........ not the fact that it's '分手快乐’but because in the song theres '你说你不怕分手，只有遗憾难过'.........................

but on ta other side,...... listening to sign.... isn't much better..... but then again because i don't think about the lyrics i guess it's ok.........

i think it's gotten better, at least i have, i think jen's passed on the black box.... at least i hope she remebers.... thanx jen................

i don't know...... feeling confused...... and i guess sleepy............

sometimes..... sleep seems sooo comforting.....

i wonder whats on the other side of life every now and then. i think about whether there is a heaven and hell, and why it is there is a heaven and hell, everyone starts off good, everyone has the ablity to be good, and yet we must judge people on the things they have and havn't done. doesn't god 'not judge'? then y is he judging?

going out on thursday, emily wants to see ta jackie chan movie... = =;;; not that i don't want to be.... jackie chan? well the other person is going///= = i'll be a thrid wheel.......

meh.... i'll find someone to take? i guess i'll havta call brian or chirs or someone... - -;;;;; it'll be awkard........

i wonder if i ask, i'll get an answer..... but it'll be no... so why even try............

if there was somthing i'm good at thats to run away, though i tried to face things head on.... it seems the more honest i am the more i get hurt.....

i'm sure those of you who have seen my phone knows i have rainie as my screen saver, and how it lights up when i dont touch it, well imagin watching it.... and everytime it lights up, i look to see if maybe you called..... but it wouldn't make much of a difference, even if you call i wouldn't be able to tell you what i want to tell you.

it makes me wonder..... it really does...... maybe if i had just been a chicken and ran away before it started then right now, i worn't be hurt, nor would i be thinking 'if only....' i would be me..... watching dramas and think how cute 'kim bum' is, but not anymore..... lost interst in those things, lost interst in the people who walk by, lost interst in things i would usally be intersted in.....

i wish i lived closer.... after all,... yiling and co live soooo far from me..... if i lived closer i would see them more,..... =[

everything is soooo far from me.... everything is soooo distant..... i wish i wasn't sooo far off.....

i wish i had my own room, i wish i could feel comfortable in my own home... and yet been on a street alone is more comforting then been at home.... and yet at the times when i most needed you, your not here, your never here...... never

well i've nagged enough today............................. i've nagged alot..................................................

had a fun day with jess~~~ havn't seen her in ages~~~ =]
had fun... while she went hyper cos there was a guy that looked like henry.... - -;;; i was more intersted in the fact that i wanted a new hat... and new pacer... cos someone stole mine... aka mel..... = =
anyway now i think about it she took my rubber too...
meh.... i'll ask for it back....
ha ha had a fun time at tsfx... lmao chris is such a perv looking at that girl.. lmao....
it's admazing on the way back form ta city, i felt the same way on my brithday....
i don't know... what i'm ment to say, i don't know what i'm meant to do.... i can't say i don't like you anymore, and yet on the other hand, i don't have the right to say i like you anymore. maybe the person you really liked is still at our school, and maybe, thats why i felt as though i was a stand in. i can understand why you liked her, after all, she's pretty and smart. what else would you want.
i knew, i understood, and yet i ignored it, i guess i only hurt myslef. i will work hard, i'll move on, but time is somthing i don't have right now. i guess in a years time, i'll think back and laugh, and yet for some reason i'm always the one that hurts myself. and cause trouble for myself. i will work hard this year to get into uni, though i worn't be doing what i truly want, i guess i'll be doing somthing, at least then i know i worn't be running around doing nothing. it's the hoildays, i guess i dreaded it for a while, knowing i worn't be busy, knowing that i'll have time to just sit and look up. i've always wondered what life is meant to be like, i guess i'm living it, i guess i'm having a go.
i don't hate you, and yet, i kinda wished that i did, so that i could say you were evil, but i understand, i understand....
if someone asked, 'would you like to loose your memory?' now i would like to answer. 'yes, if it were possible'

ha ha~~ yay term one down!!! now i;m offically i thrid through...... yay!!!!!!!
today was good full of fun... took alot of pictures~~ which i shall upload onto fb.. if i remeber other then that everything else seems fine, at least i hope it does~~~ rose hwaiting hwaiting!!!

to myslef
rose 乖，不要想了，我知道很痛，可是现在已经finish了，完全finish了。过一会儿就不会痛了，过一会儿就没事了，加油。加油。。。。

it's been passed on, it's all over now, i have no reason to keep thinking, so here, i'll say bye, bye to someone i cared for soooo much, and maybe still do, bye.

2 more days..... 2more days and this year will be one thrid through....... 2 more days...........
at the moment yr 12 is more pain, then it is fun.....
i really hope soon, very soon, the year will just end........ so i can forget..........

i don't know if you've read ta last blog, but, i guess u didn't. i think, giving up would be the best option.... i've sent jen something that she'll pass on for me. i brought it, and would have given it to u on the 7th, but forgot to give it to you, so, i think now would be best, take it as a early bday present and a late xmas present. i hope u'll like it.

i guess it'll be the last thing i may ever give you, so i really do hope u like it, i guess it would also be my 1st time giving a guy something like it....

i guess, life isn;t something we can all plan for, i guess this would be the time to just take it in my stride, and see what happens

hi? if ur reading this then well, u got my txt, if ur not then well your not.
how are you? havn't talked for a while. are things at school ok?
does ur back still hurt?
well schools been ok for me i've been working hard, ha ha~ i worked really hard today, after class i came back and wrote my studio essay, it's really long and boring, i got my physics sac mark back.
i;m sorry i can't do it, i can't pick up ur calls, cos if i do, i find my slef crying........
because, i want to tel u how much i've missed you, i want to yell at ad say why did u do that, i want to tell you how i had a fight with my friend, i wanted to tell you that a guy at skool's been following me around, i want to tell you that it's already been 2 months, i want to tell u that i miss you like hell, i still do, but i can't i don't want to let myslef get wrapped up again...
i'm sorry....i couldn;t tell you......... i;m sorry i didn;t have the courage to........
i'm really sorry

how are you?
how are you doing at skool?
hows ur back? ur ankle?
how is it that it's become harder to do somthing with time?
how is it that one person can cared about someone so much and that someone as cold as ice?
how is it that ur making me feel bad when i talk to guys?
how is it fair that i feel as though i'm the only doing this?
how is it that i can't let go?
how is it even after all this time, even after all the things i've gone thourgh, it can't outweigh those few mintues we had?
how is it a person can make you feel like this?
why does it have to be you?

if in a person's life you can ask the person u love for help just once, well that would be now. i need to talk, i need help.... help....
please, if only for once in my life i ask for help, it's now, please...

it's ironic when u were kids and u were such good friends, and ever since they move to a better skool they competely ignor u..... and it's sad you know... that people u used to be friends with for some reason get sticks stuck up their asses and become up themsleves. and well basically a BITCH!
no offense................ but u r... at least have the common decency to say hi back... i mean they're called MANNERS!!! it's not like i'm expecting a essay from you.....
i guess i rather not be friends with u if this is the way you treat people your no longer close with..... oh welll i guess i'm glad that i didn't get in now... cos then i might have turned into you... thank god i didn't (not talking about just one person... like a whole group)

while i was in the car this morin, i;ve relised tat it was the 16th. and that for some reason on the 14, i didn't notice. as time grows, i relise that prehaps we are just not meant to be.
life is mocing on, and yr 12 is begining to seem to go by so fast. it's already march and in 6 mounths we worn;t be high school students anymore, we would become adults. in some ways it scares me, that once again i'm moving away form something that i knew so well, and that i grew so familar with, no that i might move on it's scary, it really is..
on the other had i can not tick task one off the goals of the year~~ ha ha ~~

havn't updated in a while~~ ha ha i've been lazy....
feeling better about everything... i guess

100th post~~ yaya~~~ i made it~~ ha ha~~
i just looked back at all my post, and half of them were about you. does it matter that for the last 4 months of my life you were the other half?
i guess life is about moving on, but i still miss you, i really do. with that said, and done with, after this post, i don't want to mention it again.
on the other hand, ye said u were sorry. to me it really doesn't matter, because it's you that didn;t want to let me down from the stage, if u want to make a big deal out of it, then so be it, i don't care. even if i don't have friends, i don't want to be around people who act like that, contiusly bagging other people. if u want a cliqe then go ahead, i don't want to be apart of it. one note, your not in china anymore HERE people treat people with RESPECT. and guess what, you should learn to have some, because in this world were people like to be happy, people don't like people who are disrespectful towards others. i don't care if u think ur better, u may be, but we don't need to know. i don't know if i want to accept the sorry, nor do i want one, i don't really care. because sorry is only a word, actions speak louder. if want people to accept you, learn to accept others. because only then will you learn to live in this world.
i don't think you have anything to be sorry to me about, you should be sorry to those whom u involved, because fankly, i don't care what you do, not anymore. i was been nice because your younger, but ur already 17, you can;t use that as an excuse anymore. instead of having your own way all the time, be more considerate, because, in this world there are more important things then your 'jermey'.
i don't want to talk about it anymore, you have my view, i'm telling you this because we may or may not be still friends. but i;m telling you because i know if i don't no one else will, so i have. hopefull you can get through your head that you are not the sun, we do not relove around you. learn to respect others please. i dont want to make it awkard for my friends, and i would never involve my friends in games like these, we're not in grade 3 anymore, understand if you don't grow up, we;ll leave without you.

u know i find myslef, everynight, walking, by myslef, on the streets of the city, in my dreams theres no one there. and i don't want anyone to come in. i like it there, quiet and no one to been annoyed at. i miss someons whos not there, i miss someone might and might not care. whether you care or not, it's as though your dead. though i miss you, though i want to see you again, i worn't be able to, and when i think of you i cry.
that feeling of earning, that feeling of despreation, it's something to be loathed. sometimes i wish i never met you, sometimes i wish that i wasn't me.
school has been more or less annoying, i'm sick of people believeing they are the center of the world, i'm sick of people thinking of only themsleves, i;m sick of these childish ways, and i will no longer be part of it. i worn't and i will never again

how old are you? to everyone u may be 17, but you know u have the maturaily level of a 6 year old. in a society where people RESPECT people, you will not survive. u will be ignored and merly forgotten about.
the world doesn't revolve around you, i'm sorry, but it's true. so wat if u had a fight? so wat you've had a bad day, normal people, adults, deal with it by just ignoring it moving on, just cos u've had a bad day doesn't mean u havta make everyone around you have one too.
by making it seem like this will only look bad on you, not me. i'm not the one, been a child, learn to grow up and accept different views. i hope u don't end up been ignored by everyone, because right now, no one wants to be friends with you.
GROW UP!

i wonder what life would be like.... if i were perfect.....
trying to forget someone is hard.. because it's hard, i want to run away. liking you is something i didn't plan on, trying to forget you is something i didn't plan on ether. i want to know, i really do, what i feel, i want to know for sure, so please, my heart just tell me, what ur feeling so that i can know. because i'm confused.... sometimes we should give way to love, but when will love ever give way to us for us to move in.....

have you ever felt like something you know will happen might never happen?
for some reason i'm waiting for you to just stop, and turn around and say 'i'm sorry'
it's not that i want you to feel sorry, but at least tell me what u felt. is it that hard to talk 2 me?
i know your busy, i know ur mum might be watching, but i'm still here, i'm still human, i can't read your mind. as much as i want to, i can't, so please, just say something, i need you to, because if you don;t i'll start to feel like i'm doing nothing, and want to give up, i don't want to give up, not yet

=[

can't help but feel as though my world is turning... ever so slowly///

the more i think about everything... it seems like i'm gettin no where... running harder, and harder, yet i'm getting no where.

i don't want to say good bye, i don't want to let you go, easy come, easy go.

your gone, and i'm trying hard. i've always wondered, what life would be like whole, i guess it's going back to been hollow again...

life is hard, it really is...

my head hurts, so does my heart.

i don't want to say good bye.... i really don't, but i guess you've already said goodbye to me.

so i'll stand there, until you come around again... i'll wait at the station...

i've realised.. when i'm terid... in trouble... i miss you the most...

i don't know why.... i don't know.... i've been thinking about latly..... i know you havn't been reading... somewhat i'm happy about it...

because i can keep this little secret to myslef... a place for me to just stop hiding what i'm feeling...

did my chem and eng sac 2day.... stuffed ta chem one... happy about the eng one... i worked hard on it..... and it worked.....

i don't know..... i guess i miss our text messages..... i miss how i used to know that u were watching NBA........

if i get the chance... i'll pass something onto you.... i brought it during the chirstmass hoildays.... but never got the chance to give it to you....

i guess i'll give it to you on ur birthday.... acurally i'll prob get jen or someone to pass it on for me....

i've been good.... i guess..... i'm working hard...... i want to know how ur doing.....

i guess it would be well.... your always well......sometimes..... just sometimes... i wish you worn't welll.... so that at least i know we meant something... beside then just a phase......

i miss you i really do...... it would be good if you missed me too....

i'm going back to shanghai soon.... for a while.... i wonder if i would see you again before that.....