i wonder what ur doing, whether ur writting notes, or watching NBA.....
i wonder what i'm doing, walking in the city alone, been alone, feeling alittle more comfortable, then sitting at home staring at homework.
i wonder what is wrong with me.... i wonder alot,
i wonder what i could be doing and what i could be feeling
it was nice to see jake and brain again, reminds me of the says where homework wasn't homework, when time would be passed by just sitting there.
i wish i can go back, if i could i would surly be brave enough to just say it, instead of sitting there doing nothing.
i wonder what life is... i wonder what life can be.... i wonder what life will be.... i wonder when life will end......
wish me luck...............................................................
because right now... i need hell of alot of it................

sometimes i wonder, if i could just run away and just hid in a tree, then just live off the tree.
been stuck between what i should do and what i want to do, is soo hard...........
i want to run, but i feel as though i;m going to give up.... but i don't want to, but i should... maybe it is time to give up....
my feelings are stilll the same they havn't changed... i wonder if u have

i know y didn't ask, i thought about it hard...
it's because i didn't know what kind of answer i would get. whether it be, a 'fine', or a 'sorri i can't', or a 'i don't want to'. i was scared. i was scared that i wouldn't hear something i wanted to hear.

i really wanted to answer.... but i didn't have the guts to do it. so i'll tell u here
其实想对你说的是，下个星期就是我的formal。我心真的很乱，我知道，我喜欢的人是你，可是身边的人都叫我‘move on’。有时候，我会想你care过吗？我也知道说了这句话会先的很selfish，可是我真的对自己没有confidence了。
i don't know what i should do, they're telling me to say yes, but i don't want to. i don't want to, but i don't know what to do. i wish i had the courage to tell u myslef, but i don't. i don't know what to do...
i really wanted to ask, i really did,
but i didn't have the guts to ask, i really didn't, because i knew it would be a 'no'. at least this way, i can just sit back and say, i didn't ask.
i knew if i had asked it would have made it hard on u, so i didn't ask, i knew that if i had asked, it would make me feel bad,
i guess i've been running away, i want to keep running, keep running until i reach the ends of the earth, to run away from it i've been pushing myslef into my work, so that i can keep running. and it's been really hard.
i didnt pick up because i knew if i did, i wouldn't be able to say anything...
sorri....

i feel as though... life has gotten easier today~ ~
i'm feeling more confident about my sac next week, and i'm really hoping i'll get to remeber my eassay and i can just reporduce it in the sac.
one thing i'm worried about is the stupid KMnO4... i swear... I HATE U KMnO4!!!!

don't give up my love, baby, cause i'm seeing you for the first time
be the definition of my happiness, dear
be the one that gives me courage and a reason to open my eyes every
morning
i just want one shot at been your everything
do you know why?
because you're everything in my life right now

taken from a friends blog, it made me think, alot of things have made me think. i really hate it, i really hate yr 12

just then... i click on my iTunes... the song it decied to play Rainie's 匿名的朋友。
不知不觉，想起了一些去年的点点滴滴，想起你。出去走了一走，想了一想，我真的还是很想你，想念你的认真，想念你的白痴~~哈哈~~ 不知道你会不会有时想起我。我希望我们不会变成歌里的主角。。。
这几天我发现了，我发现在我身边我一个喜欢我的人，因为他是朋友，因为不想伤害他，因为还喜欢着你，所以没有勇气说‘不’。对不起，对不起。我不想放弃，我不想放弃我对你的感情，因为好不容易有了勇气说出口，因为好不容易有了勇气。。。

‘也许我们当时我们年纪真的太小，从那懵懵懂懂走进自己的天空’

sometimes when i think about myslef, i wonder, i really do, i think what it would be like if i were maybe that much more prettier, if i were just that much more smarter, if i was much more skinnier....
i really do....
sometimes i wonder what it's like to be someone perfect, and then think, no i don't want to be perfect, life would be soo boring.
i really like now, the feeling of just been, just sitting here, nor happy or sad. writing to myslef, like i always do. it feels soo much more better then to sit in a class room and think of other stuff that i don't understand, 2morow period 1 i shall go to studio and enjoy myslef~~ yay~~

i opened up that box agian today, it's kind of sad. i remeber when i brought it, i was going to give it to you on the 14th, but didn't. who knows maybe someday i would get the chance to give it to you, i may not. i think you would've liked it.

up really late today... the 1st time in a long time.
the chem class is on the 28th. it's a really good chance to go and listen to a bunch of really good teachers talk, so if ur readin (though already posted it on ur msn) come. i'm going with a friend, it'll be nice to see you again. after all we havn't seen each other in litrally ages,,,,

ahh work is drving me crazy, i wish everything was as easy as studio, now when i think about it studio is the only time that would let me have a rest.
i miss everyone, i really do, i miss the saturdays when we would just be able to sit and muck around. i miss making fun of mr tempura, i really miss everyone. though last year wasn't something i want to remember, but i had alot of fun, and i wouldn;t change a thing. at the end of this i want to be able to say i enjoyed my last year of high school, and that i really had alot of fun.
i'm doing phy homework right now, the fact that i;m not getting alot of them right worries me. but pratice makes perfect, i think if i do enough of them i;ll understand. so fighting!!!
i want to say that i don't miss you, but i do. i miss our little converstantions, i miss just listening to your voice, and ur comments on how short sighted you are.
i think, i understand what alot of people have gone though. i've always wondered what it would have been like if we both had the guts to say it in yr 10. when i think about it, if i hadn't been a better actor we would have been together for a year now. if missing someone is like this, then i hope to get more of the sweet then the bitter.
time is running under from our feet, in years time lets met in shanghai, both grown up, both more mature, and maybe even giving it another try. until then i'll try my best~

back from school, i feeling really really bad.....
well mainly because of what heejin said, 'if you like him then say no to 'him'' note here the two hims are different people. it's not that i don't want to say no.. i did... but it doesn't seem as though he understands.... i didn't want to go with him because i wanted someonelse to come, and that person is someone who is EVIL!!!
i don't know i've been feeling annoyed latly.... studio is probaly the only subject i don't have a sac for in the next few weeks. soon the days before the formal will get crazy, and i hope i can get through all of it....
i'm meant to be concentration on school, but you people keep making me do this and that how am i meant to do alll of it when i have homework that will never be finished!!! ok i'm going to go and write my work breif, so that next week i can concentrate on my english and tomorow a whole day of physics and writting my physics prac, lets see what i'll get for my 1st sac... lets hope it's going to be good, because i'm really workiong hard my mock sac was a 8.5 so lets see if i can get it to a 9.5-10

as march draws closer, my formal does to, thinking back to when we talked, it's really making me sad.

as much as i would like to say i'm coping, i'm not. for the nxt few weeks i will have sac's after sac's, i'm feeling overwhelmed. thats when i start to miss you. the world around me seems to be spinnning on it's own without my help. i want give up and just sit and watch the world pass by.

i wish we were back in year 10 when we could do wat ever we wanted. when weekends were weekends, and after school weren't filled with homework but just nothing.

it might seem hard to say but i miss chinese school, i miss all my friends over there, but they live so far from me. i feel as the world is spinning on without me and i'm been left behind.

my world has become too small, instead of been stuck in a class room i want to travel, i want to see the world and enjoy every part of it, but i won't ever be able to do that, because reality will always set in.

i wish the world will come to me, let me see you, one part at a time. theres apart of me that wants to drop everything and just become a hobo. the fact that they have nothing and nothing to fear. i wish that i to have nothing to fear nothing to lose.

as a friend would say 'life goes on'

i wish i could say 'life stops here'

ok i've decied to set goals for myslef for the last year of school
1. make a new friend in yr 11.... who i am scared off (for those of u who know me... i am really scared of them)
2. an A average FOR ALL SUBJECTS
3. gonna be good... and well good....
4. will not get drunk again.....
5. not walk into poles
6. not walk into gates
7. not walk into people~

ok done... i'm sure i get them right

sometimes i wonder y it is my life is full of those who just think they are better then everyone. no matter race or back ground, not liking someone doesn't mean tolerance shouldn't be placed.
you don't like them then walk away, instead of having a hissy fit about these things. really learn to mature, because in society no one will tell you to, they will only leave u behind. while your trying to be 'cool', people who understand this world have moved on.
today i learnt something, sometimes there are people you should just know and not really get involved with. someone thing i learnt today, no matter how rushed i seem, i believe I'm rather tolerant. i understand when jokes are jokes, but i think i know where the line is. i stop when i get to it.
a word of warning to those who are reading this. this world is tolerant but if u urslef isn't mature enough to tolerant this world then you should grow. or while everyone else is making new memories, you'll be left behind, still living in ur childish world. learn to live, to forget, to forgive, or the world will start to hate you.

though my life isn't something that i can i say i've always loved, nor can i remeber when it is i've started to feel like this. life is so quiet.
i think i've grown to understand that not everything in the world will work out just right. though some times we hope they do but they don't. i think i know whats right and wrong now.
i know it was right for me to like you
but it was wrong for us to be together at that time
i know i was right to ask and say yes
but i know it was wrong for me to hold onto it

now i know, now i know that what i did was both right and wrong, but now i wonder, if they were both right and wrong then y is it the line beween them was so vage?

i still like you, i do, but i don't think it would be fair for me to hold onto it. for the moment i've learnt to live and learn, for the moment i've learnt that no matter how hard i try at things i worn't be able to understand them, so for now i'll just let it be and let it take it's course.

yesterday was valentines day. i wondered i really did that if we were together whether we would have gotten the chance to celebrate it together. yesterday would have been our two months as well.
i didn't cry yesterday, i cried on friday, when i knew that no one would have noticed then i relised that i still miss you. i really do. though i know i'm not allowed to, but i do. i still have that right don't i?
i'm working hard i really am, i'm trying my best, i really am, i'm trying to smile, i really am.
i remeber saying to myslef 'you know this will get you into trouble, you know your too navie, you know your just too stupid' but it still lead to this.
i remeber picking up my phone at least 100 times, but i didn't have the courage. i know that you might read this, infact i'm wishing you would. because then i would know you care.
theres always apart of me thats sitting there waiting, i just don't know if that part of me wants you to come. if you come what would you say? would you say, stop sitting here, because i don't want you, or would you come and let me hear what i want to hear?
i really miss you....

jess if your reading this, go for it, though sometime's it seems scary, but if you don't try, you'll never know. so go for it, and give yourslef a chance. even though you think the world is against you, you know that u've always got me. it;s better to have love and lost, the to have not loved. understand me when i say, love isn't something to be laughed at, or to be cried over, because love is what you make of it. you laugh because you've seen yourslef grow, you cry because you know the truth. give it a chance and it'll grow, if you don't it'll never grow. jess go for it, because we both you this has been going on for a while.

a friend worte on facebook 'i wish i can just stand in the rain until i get a cold'
i can understand it, the feeling of just wanting to stand out in the heavy rain, and just feel cold. because at least then you know the coldness you feel is from teh rain, and not because the world hates you.
i just finished my english essay, i worn't post it, probly because i feel too personally attached to it then normal. but life at the moment is soo confusing.
a friend (whom i think i'm close with and enjoy talking to) asked me to the formal. though i don't know for sure if it's because he's a friend, or because he likes me. i feel bad, because i answered yes and then said no.
the yes, was because i wanted to say to him 'i said yes to someonelse' the no was becuase, though i say it, i really really miss you.
i know i made that person feel really really bad, i know i gave that person hope, and then just plunged them into hell. i'm sorry, i really am, because i too know the feeling of that. i'm sorry becauce i used you in some ways, i'm sorry because i gave you hope that wasn't meant to be there, i'm sorry that maybe if i hadn't met that person, i would have said yes and would be more then willingly give you a chance.
as i wrote my english essay, i can't help but cry over it, because last year, so many things happened. how i treid my best last year to be only dissapointed over and over again, until, well i just gave up and didn't want to care any more. i remembered that feeling of doing my best to only be stomped on by my own teacher. though the essay is only 2 pages long, it took me 3 hours to write it, because i had to constantly stop and get tissues, to the point where i stopped and came onto the computer. i know i feel better after writting it. i know that no matter what i get for it, i know that i'll be proud. because everything in there is true, cross my heart and hope to die.
well thats all for tonight~ good nite

ok~ me back~ ha long time no post
in the past few days i've relised that in our small little school there are soo many who think they are better then everyone. like seriously ppl.. it's just a colour!
not letting someone in the same car because they are wearing the same colour is just plan STUPID...
and planing 8 MONTHS AHEAD OF SOMETHING MORE STUPID... unless ur getting married ect...
i find that there are so many people who just simply think too much, and hold themsleves much too high.
anywa thats my thought of the day~

我要的不是承诺，而只是一个答案。

当我们有勇气去爱时，我们却没有勇气放弃。当我们有勇气放弃时，我们没有勇气说出口那三个字。当我们有勇气说出那三个字时，已经来不及了。

如果哪一年我们有勇气去爱，结果还会是一样的吗？

当我有勇气说出那三个字时，以及经太晚了，对不起。

当你有勇气回答时，我们已经没有机会了。

现在我懂了，上面的人给了我们机会，可是我们没有好好把握它。上面的人给了我一段很短的感情，你给了我勇气。谢谢。

give it alittle time, and the heart will grow fonder.. give it too much time, and the heart will grow tierd.
every girl want someone to love them, care for them, to be held before everything. every girl wants someone to love them whole heartedly.
i can't say that i've frozen it yet. latly infact it's become easier to just forget. but i don't want to run away. i don't want to hid what i know and wat i'm feeling. i want to blame you, but i can't. becuase i know it was my fault.
so please forgive me, because i don't know what i'm meant to do about it. i wish i could say that i hate you, that i hate you for leaving me behind. that i hate you for even been there, but i can't. sometimes i wonder what it is that drives me everyday.
i heard someone say once. when someone never learns something it's because that person is waiting for the other half to teach them, do it for them
at times like this i wish i wasn't a girl. i wish i would be able to just coldly say no and move on. but i can't. i miss you still, though i don't know if i'm allowed to say it, but i do. and because i do, i want to be your friend.
i know where i stand, and i'll stand it until u notice.