a friend worte on facebook 'i wish i can just stand in the rain until i get a cold'
i can understand it, the feeling of just wanting to stand out in the heavy rain, and just feel cold. because at least then you know the coldness you feel is from teh rain, and not because the world hates you.
i just finished my english essay, i worn't post it, probly because i feel too personally attached to it then normal. but life at the moment is soo confusing.
a friend (whom i think i'm close with and enjoy talking to) asked me to the formal. though i don't know for sure if it's because he's a friend, or because he likes me. i feel bad, because i answered yes and then said no.
the yes, was because i wanted to say to him 'i said yes to someonelse' the no was becuase, though i say it, i really really miss you.
i know i made that person feel really really bad, i know i gave that person hope, and then just plunged them into hell. i'm sorry, i really am, because i too know the feeling of that. i'm sorry becauce i used you in some ways, i'm sorry because i gave you hope that wasn't meant to be there, i'm sorry that maybe if i hadn't met that person, i would have said yes and would be more then willingly give you a chance.
as i wrote my english essay, i can't help but cry over it, because last year, so many things happened. how i treid my best last year to be only dissapointed over and over again, until, well i just gave up and didn't want to care any more. i remembered that feeling of doing my best to only be stomped on by my own teacher. though the essay is only 2 pages long, it took me 3 hours to write it, because i had to constantly stop and get tissues, to the point where i stopped and came onto the computer. i know i feel better after writting it. i know that no matter what i get for it, i know that i'll be proud. because everything in there is true, cross my heart and hope to die.
well thats all for tonight~ good nite