i've been thinking lately, do i really want to do what it is i'm about to do?
JYP auditions, the 4th of jan. and yet i really want to go for it, but i know the chances are low, and that even if even if out of those 500 people i get choosen, it would be at least 3 years before a chance of debuting, even in 3 years, the chances are slim seeing how many tainees they possibly have under their compay.
i really love the stage, the feeling of been in the spotlight it;s really great, of been the one people talk about reconise.
someday i would like to be the one people serch on the internet about, i would like to go on varity shows to laugh and sing...
but i really doubt that someday will happen.
i'm often told take your chance while you have it. but chances are only for those who are prepared, after all, theres no use in taking a chance when you can't afford or just don't have the abilty to take that chance.
prehaps i should just live my life as a normal working working from 9 to 5...
thinking about it is really scary, that someday in the future, i would be working a 9 to 5 job, doing the same things everyday, spending the year with the same people. i really wonder, if thats the life i'm ment to live..
i don't know if i would be able to live life like that, for the rest of my life, from 9 to 5... working in a office... i don't think i will be able to do that
i remember my childhood dreams, of been a director, of been a script writter, of been a makeup artist to the stars, of been a fashion designer, of been a star, of been a stylest....
i still want to do all those things, but i know i worn't be able to, i know even if i have any talent in these fields i would never be able to chase after my dreams like that. because i know, i can't have everything i want in this world.
but i still wish that i could. that out of no where someone would show some confidence in me, that they would believe in me no matter what i do. and yet i have yet to find that person. i don't have the confidence to say that i want to do these jobs, i don't have the confidence to chase after my dreams.
i know i don't have the confidence, i know i don't have the talent, i know i don't have the abilty, i know i don't have the skills. and yet what so i have?
right now all i can see is a empty box, prehaps i'm not even an empty box, after all an empty box can be used to carry, store items, and i feel like a empty box with the bottom riped off....
maybe someday i'll look back at these dreams and laugh, prehaps i'm just too much of a coward to do anything in this world....