it's ironic that the person who can make you laugh is also the person that can make you cry. how one word can bring all ta happniese down..... it's like within seconds the great wall of china fell down to an earthquake.
in some ways i understand.... i understand what it is u want..... but in other ways i want u to at least care little more... then before... somehow u gave me the courage to contiune to hope but at the same time the more hope given means the harder i fall.... i wonder.... i know i shouldn't feel this way after all, u never did anything.... maybe it's because u didn't do anything that made me misunderstand..... but is it a misunderstanding? no matter wat..... i don't know....... i don't know what to say..... or how to say it..... it feels as though i tried so hard and let down that wall for it to only be constructed thicker then ever before..... it hurts..... it does at the moment...... how ever this isn't because of u but because of mai stupidity....
that conversation we just had....... can i just forget it? sometimes i wish mai life was a show...... so i can at least have the control over wat goes to air........ however i guess it'll never happen...... i just..... i should just put the mask back on.............. like nothing happened before.... maibe over time these feelings will change.... right now i don't know whether i want them to change..... is it because u've been the only other person i've wanted to open up to? and slowly i have to you......... so right now i'll lock that part away and just be friends//////
i hope u don't read this.... because//// for some reason at the moment.... darkness seems that much more inviting then ever before....
the hoildays will be here soon........... and so will a new year.............