havn't been feeling good all day...... i think i pick up the fone at least 100 times..... to txt or not to..... and then everytime i do i think that it'll gte you into trouble..... and yet at the same time..... i wanted too soo badly...... so i called a friend and wasted all mai credit.... so for the rest of this year... i worn't be able to txt anyone.....

i really really really miss you..... i think this is the first time we havn't talked in a day......

oh another note spent ALL my money today~~~ getting presnts for people.... = v = i am now offically POV!!!

anyway going of~

and if your reading good nite~~~

back on again..... wanna talk to you...... but i know i shouldn't call...... i would only get you into troble..... at times like this i wonder who i can talk 2.... and when i think closly.... i wouldn't talk 2 anyone.... cos it would only bring them trouble......................

i wish i could talk.... cos at the mom...... i don't know.......

i'm been slefish aren't i?

i'm sorry...... i really am......

i was talking to junkers/// everytime the fone vibrated i was hoping it was you..... that kind of anticipation..... it can kill someone you know....

if i talked to you about this stuff, would u get annoyed? if i told you i was feeling lonley and sad, wil it only trouble you?

i guess this is wat people call 'missing someone'. good nite....

theres a chinese saying 'if a girl says the world is coming to an end, then nothing is wrong. But if a girl says nothing, then the world is coming to an end.'

i didn't understand what the saying meant, i mean why can't we just say what we want? but now i do. it's because we care for them that we do that. i understand, i really do, but i can't help but feel lonley... after all after all that i finally got to taste the apple. but now your telling me i can only have one bite, and the rest has to be saved.

i know i should be good, and say that i understand, thats y i didn't say anything. but i still can't help but yell in my head, y can't u do somthing. i know i shouldn't i know i'm just been slefish, but i can't help it.

i want to say that i can support you 100% but right now, i don't know if i can. anyway it's the new year soon. though i really wanted to spend christmas with you, we didn't get the chance. and hopefully there will be a chance when we can spend a christmas together. happy new year, they say you should spend new years eve with the person you like then you'll be able to spend the whole year together. i don't think we will get that chance.

my feelings havn't change, but it seems to me that reality has set in. reality is so cruel. maybe if i didn't live so far away, maybe if i went to the same skool. maybe if i had told you earlyer then this year we could have spent christmas together or even last years. can't help but feel foolish, that maybe last year, if i hadn't held so tightly onto joachim then i could have had something great.

right now i think i'll just do what i always do. i'll stay silently next to you, i'll do my best to do my best. and i hope, in some time we can maybe spend sometime together, even if it's for 5 mins.....

feeling sad isn't somthing that happens to me often, at least not alot of people know about it. but right now i have the courage to say that i'm feeling sad and lonley. and it doesn't feel so good. i think it's tha first time that i've been able to say so. if your reading this, don't mind it, i'm always over dramatic. i'm fine, and i always will be...

a belated Merry Xmas everyone and happy new year. i hope you are enjoying every mintue of life at the moment because next year, it might all change.

good nite~~~

just finished watching tao hua xiao mei.... it kinda made me think..... even though the story line is cheesy but cindy's acting has gotten so much better....
i feel as though that maybe little by little i'm winning you over. for some reason i can't stop thinking about the fact that you felt so bad to see your ex...... is it because u guys had a bad end or because you still like her... if you do.... i don't want to know.... if you don't... i don't want to know....
am i slowing winning maislef a place? or will i never be able to move in. havn't talk in a while... well not a long while cos i'm still (i think i'm still) capped so i'm gonna cheak soon.................. hopefully i still remeber mai password.... skool has been good enjoying it~~~

过去的就让它过吧。。他不再是你世界的一部分了。。因为现在你有了喜欢的人了

考试考好了。。想一想去年的我。。因该还在想着他吧，过去的我真傻。可是爱情也很傻，就算他做了伤害你的事只要他说一声‘对不起’你就会原谅他。现在的我知道过去的哪个不是喜欢而只是崇拜，崇拜他的才华，崇拜他对家人的关心。现在我有了真正喜欢的人，可这次的我，知道这真正是喜欢而不只是崇拜。

这几天我觉得我长大了。谢谢，你，让我学会了怎么真正去喜欢一个人，我现在在这里想跟你说一声‘再见’。

after all that yesterday.... i read back... and also banned you from reading this........ but yes..... some parts of wish you would read this... then maybe you would see what i'm feeling... because i'm scared if i tell u u will run away. tomorow is the last day of chinese school and next year we worn't get to see each other that much.... infact we probly worn't have tha chance to see each other at all..... lets make 2morow a good day,,,, so i can at least hold onto somthing.

every since getting up this morning.... it's been a bad feeling.... but when u replied that text this morning... mai dai got a little better, it might seem crazy but..... when i talked to you about mai past.......... i kind of regreated it.... i should have never said any of those things... because i promised mai slef that i would never tell anyone... but i guess i have now..... sometimes it's hard to explain whats good and bad i life... so at the mom i don't know whether this is good or bad.... because i don't know what good and bad anymore.... is it 'bad' to like you? or is it good? is it bad to tell you? or is it good?

i remeber reading in teh chiese newpaper about 'waht a good man and a rich man can give you' i remeber the author worte 'a rich man is someone who would take you out to a 5 star hotel and treat you like a princess, a good man will take you out to a picnic and make you feel like a princess' the last sentencs she worte in that paragraph was 'if you happen to find someone... it's better he be a good mand then a rich one...' i know 3 years ago i would have said i want the rich man, but now i would say, i want the good man. it's funny how someone can make you change like that... no matter how harrd it might seem it is what has happened. i've changed thanxs to you... i guess i want to thank you for at lest that... thank you....

it's ironic that the person who can make you laugh is also the person that can make you cry. how one word can bring all ta happniese down..... it's like within seconds the great wall of china fell down to an earthquake.
in some ways i understand.... i understand what it is u want..... but in other ways i want u to at least care little more... then before... somehow u gave me the courage to contiune to hope but at the same time the more hope given means the harder i fall.... i wonder.... i know i shouldn't feel this way after all, u never did anything.... maybe it's because u didn't do anything that made me misunderstand..... but is it a misunderstanding? no matter wat..... i don't know....... i don't know what to say..... or how to say it..... it feels as though i tried so hard and let down that wall for it to only be constructed thicker then ever before..... it hurts..... it does at the moment...... how ever this isn't because of u but because of mai stupidity....
that conversation we just had....... can i just forget it? sometimes i wish mai life was a show...... so i can at least have the control over wat goes to air........ however i guess it'll never happen...... i just..... i should just put the mask back on.............. like nothing happened before.... maibe over time these feelings will change.... right now i don't know whether i want them to change..... is it because u've been the only other person i've wanted to open up to? and slowly i have to you......... so right now i'll lock that part away and just be friends//////
i hope u don't read this.... because//// for some reason at the moment.... darkness seems that much more inviting then ever before....
the hoildays will be here soon........... and so will a new year.............