just finished watching tao hua xiao mei.... it kinda made me think..... even though the story line is cheesy but cindy's acting has gotten so much better....
i feel as though that maybe little by little i'm winning you over. for some reason i can't stop thinking about the fact that you felt so bad to see your ex...... is it because u guys had a bad end or because you still like her... if you do.... i don't want to know.... if you don't... i don't want to know....
am i slowing winning maislef a place? or will i never be able to move in. havn't talk in a while... well not a long while cos i'm still (i think i'm still) capped so i'm gonna cheak soon.................. hopefully i still remeber mai password.... skool has been good enjoying it~~~

过去的就让它过吧。。他不再是你世界的一部分了。。因为现在你有了喜欢的人了

考试考好了。。想一想去年的我。。因该还在想着他吧，过去的我真傻。可是爱情也很傻，就算他做了伤害你的事只要他说一声‘对不起’你就会原谅他。现在的我知道过去的哪个不是喜欢而只是崇拜，崇拜他的才华，崇拜他对家人的关心。现在我有了真正喜欢的人，可这次的我，知道这真正是喜欢而不只是崇拜。

这几天我觉得我长大了。谢谢，你，让我学会了怎么真正去喜欢一个人，我现在在这里想跟你说一声‘再见’。

after all that yesterday.... i read back... and also banned you from reading this........ but yes..... some parts of wish you would read this... then maybe you would see what i'm feeling... because i'm scared if i tell u u will run away. tomorow is the last day of chinese school and next year we worn't get to see each other that much.... infact we probly worn't have tha chance to see each other at all..... lets make 2morow a good day,,,, so i can at least hold onto somthing.

every since getting up this morning.... it's been a bad feeling.... but when u replied that text this morning... mai dai got a little better, it might seem crazy but..... when i talked to you about mai past.......... i kind of regreated it.... i should have never said any of those things... because i promised mai slef that i would never tell anyone... but i guess i have now..... sometimes it's hard to explain whats good and bad i life... so at the mom i don't know whether this is good or bad.... because i don't know what good and bad anymore.... is it 'bad' to like you? or is it good? is it bad to tell you? or is it good?

i remeber reading in teh chiese newpaper about 'waht a good man and a rich man can give you' i remeber the author worte 'a rich man is someone who would take you out to a 5 star hotel and treat you like a princess, a good man will take you out to a picnic and make you feel like a princess' the last sentencs she worte in that paragraph was 'if you happen to find someone... it's better he be a good mand then a rich one...' i know 3 years ago i would have said i want the rich man, but now i would say, i want the good man. it's funny how someone can make you change like that... no matter how harrd it might seem it is what has happened. i've changed thanxs to you... i guess i want to thank you for at lest that... thank you....

it's ironic that the person who can make you laugh is also the person that can make you cry. how one word can bring all ta happniese down..... it's like within seconds the great wall of china fell down to an earthquake.
in some ways i understand.... i understand what it is u want..... but in other ways i want u to at least care little more... then before... somehow u gave me the courage to contiune to hope but at the same time the more hope given means the harder i fall.... i wonder.... i know i shouldn't feel this way after all, u never did anything.... maybe it's because u didn't do anything that made me misunderstand..... but is it a misunderstanding? no matter wat..... i don't know....... i don't know what to say..... or how to say it..... it feels as though i tried so hard and let down that wall for it to only be constructed thicker then ever before..... it hurts..... it does at the moment...... how ever this isn't because of u but because of mai stupidity....
that conversation we just had....... can i just forget it? sometimes i wish mai life was a show...... so i can at least have the control over wat goes to air........ however i guess it'll never happen...... i just..... i should just put the mask back on.............. like nothing happened before.... maibe over time these feelings will change.... right now i don't know whether i want them to change..... is it because u've been the only other person i've wanted to open up to? and slowly i have to you......... so right now i'll lock that part away and just be friends//////
i hope u don't read this.... because//// for some reason at the moment.... darkness seems that much more inviting then ever before....
the hoildays will be here soon........... and so will a new year.............

is this wat been truly happy is like? if it is then i don't want it to go away.
my exams are coming up in 2 days now~ for some reason i feel as though theres more of a reason to go for it. some of me is doing it for me, the other to prove all those people wrong. you may be the greatest, but unfortuneatly ur not a 'great' person.
noob 'called' me today~ i was soo happy~~~~~~~ little suprised and got scared and thought wat if it was his mum???? and then when he picked up i was happy
exams are coming and they'll go fast, i just want this happiness to last for a while, so i can enjoy it. in a few months i'll be 18, i'll be legelly alowed to got to clubs ect. i wonde rhwo i'm going to spend it.
FIGHTING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
good luck to all those doing VCE 3 and 4 this year and good luck al
i know it might to be tooo early to be saying good byes but
good bye yr 12~~~ good bye out dear tiffiny.
and thank you for this memorable year!

wat does it mean when some doesn't want to admit somthing? does it mean what i think it means? does it mean that that person does and worn't 'addmit' to it, or does it just mean that that person worn't say?

it's drving me nuts... he said not to wait, he said he worn't addmit, he tells me not to wait in vain... but can i do that? does it mean that he might like me back, and that i've found someone that i can acurally talk to? or does it just mean that he's been nice and letting me down slow. if your letting me down slow, i rather u tell me, so i can at least say i hate you for doing that. but if you do acurally feel somthing then i think i should at least be allowed to know, cos then i know i wouldn't be imagining things...

sometimes i wish you could just make me angry, and make me hate you. so that i can at least have a reason to just hate you, but then when i think about it, i would miss all the times we talk, abotu movies, about our daily lives. u know u've been the first person that i've wanted to show my whole slef to, every bit of my personailty, every thing good and bad. am i imaging that u and i share something? tat u might too have feelings back?

what does addmit mean?

i don't know what to start off with. i don't know what to do. everytime i hear that song 'it's you' why is it that i get a feeling that somethings missing, that feeling that i've once had the happness of what the song is describing. i want to know, why is it that everytime i hear it i think of that. though i don't know what the lyrics are saying, the melody makes me think of first love. the exictment of meeting someone you feel for for the first time, they seem to shine. everymove they make seem to be for you. it's like saying 'your the only one'.

why is it i'm scared, i'm scared to say it, i'm scared i'll scare you off. no matter how much time passes your still in my mind, why, why, why,

why is it that i crave for this feeling, the feeling of been liked accpeted, prehaps even treasured. as the exams draw near, i want to give up everything and for ever remain, been a child, been small, i want to be protected. not from the world but from my head. o'brien said that you don't need to change the stars only the reality that the stars have been changed.

does that mean if i believe hard enough, it'll change? my life will change?

i want to run back into time, to the time when i was just a child and enjoy it, instead of trying to grow up, instead of trying to be something i'm not. i want to know, i want to know what you know, i want to know what i don't know.

sometimes i wonder if this is all that life has to offer. if this was it, if this was what they call life. if it is i would like a refund. i would liek to try someonelses on, and see what it's like in their shoes. i wonder how much it would cost me. i remeber once i told a friend, if i was to lose my memory, i would like to never rember it. i want to start anew, be a different person. i want to know. i want to understand, understand what it's like to be different.

i want for my life to start again, because if it did i would know for sure this time that i don't need money, i don't need a perfect lifestyle, i just need to live. instead of trying to please those around me, maybe i could do things slefishly, and just take what i want, but all i'm left with is my head. a head full of rubish, a head full of everyonelse. i want to be me again. a me without worries. without havong to work, me without 'me'

i sometimes wonder what death would be like, if it were just a sleep, cos if it were, i would be able to dream, dream with all my might. i want to reach and search for my dreams, i want to be free from reality.

no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to make you understand. i don't want money, i don't want a comfortable lifestyle, i want to run, i want to feel the rush from just running, anywhere blind.

i wish you could read this, and maybe then you'll understand alittle bit about me. instead of always staring into my smiling face.

a note, often the poor people have smiling faces, because there isn't anythingelse left for them to have besides from a smile. i smile because if i don't i would just cry all the time, i laugh because i don't want my friends to worry, i hide behind the wall because i don't want to forget that i will never be able to run away from reality. they say life has highs and lows, just like ones heartbeat, but howcome mine seems to stand still, a life without a heartbeat