thank you for your message.... though it's not mai birthday yet..... it's put a smile on my face....

it's ok, i understand.... don't worry, as long as your fine, i'll be fine, both tom and kein said you were ok, so i guess you are.

i can't help but feel helpless, though i want to help you, i don't know how. i'm sorry. i really miss you, i really do, i really wish you'll be there for my birthday, but as long as your ok, i'm happy. so for now, lets stay down low. because if we don't you'll make me feel even more helpless.

i really miss you, i really do

though right now, i'm not really in the mood to celebrate my birthday, but i've already told my friends, it's too late to cancel. in exactly 4 days, it would be a month. and wat a month it's been. we've gone up and down, down and up, like a rollercoster ride. though sometimes it's hard, but all those highs are worth it.

noob i miss you.

going crazy.................. i'm so worried............. r u ok?................................. did u get into alot of trouble?...........................

i feel so guilty............................. i'm sorry.............................

心痛。。。。今年想要的生日礼物得不到了~~~
我知道是因为你没有办法。。可是心还是会痛。。不要紧~~有空我们再过~~~
我一直没机会说一声‘新年快乐~’ 我也一直没有机会说一声‘我好想你’
好了我饿了~88

~~害羞~~
(^o^)

havn't been feeling good all day...... i think i pick up the fone at least 100 times..... to txt or not to..... and then everytime i do i think that it'll gte you into trouble..... and yet at the same time..... i wanted too soo badly...... so i called a friend and wasted all mai credit.... so for the rest of this year... i worn't be able to txt anyone.....

i really really really miss you..... i think this is the first time we havn't talked in a day......

oh another note spent ALL my money today~~~ getting presnts for people.... = v = i am now offically POV!!!

anyway going of~

and if your reading good nite~~~

back on again..... wanna talk to you...... but i know i shouldn't call...... i would only get you into troble..... at times like this i wonder who i can talk 2.... and when i think closly.... i wouldn't talk 2 anyone.... cos it would only bring them trouble......................

i wish i could talk.... cos at the mom...... i don't know.......

i'm been slefish aren't i?

i'm sorry...... i really am......

i was talking to junkers/// everytime the fone vibrated i was hoping it was you..... that kind of anticipation..... it can kill someone you know....

if i talked to you about this stuff, would u get annoyed? if i told you i was feeling lonley and sad, wil it only trouble you?

i guess this is wat people call 'missing someone'. good nite....

theres a chinese saying 'if a girl says the world is coming to an end, then nothing is wrong. But if a girl says nothing, then the world is coming to an end.'

i didn't understand what the saying meant, i mean why can't we just say what we want? but now i do. it's because we care for them that we do that. i understand, i really do, but i can't help but feel lonley... after all after all that i finally got to taste the apple. but now your telling me i can only have one bite, and the rest has to be saved.

i know i should be good, and say that i understand, thats y i didn't say anything. but i still can't help but yell in my head, y can't u do somthing. i know i shouldn't i know i'm just been slefish, but i can't help it.

i want to say that i can support you 100% but right now, i don't know if i can. anyway it's the new year soon. though i really wanted to spend christmas with you, we didn't get the chance. and hopefully there will be a chance when we can spend a christmas together. happy new year, they say you should spend new years eve with the person you like then you'll be able to spend the whole year together. i don't think we will get that chance.

my feelings havn't change, but it seems to me that reality has set in. reality is so cruel. maybe if i didn't live so far away, maybe if i went to the same skool. maybe if i had told you earlyer then this year we could have spent christmas together or even last years. can't help but feel foolish, that maybe last year, if i hadn't held so tightly onto joachim then i could have had something great.

right now i think i'll just do what i always do. i'll stay silently next to you, i'll do my best to do my best. and i hope, in some time we can maybe spend sometime together, even if it's for 5 mins.....

feeling sad isn't somthing that happens to me often, at least not alot of people know about it. but right now i have the courage to say that i'm feeling sad and lonley. and it doesn't feel so good. i think it's tha first time that i've been able to say so. if your reading this, don't mind it, i'm always over dramatic. i'm fine, and i always will be...

a belated Merry Xmas everyone and happy new year. i hope you are enjoying every mintue of life at the moment because next year, it might all change.

good nite~~~